For the past three months I have been adapting to a new normal and dealing with the current world situation. I learned so many things about myself and my priorities somehow shifted. The balance weighs more on the family and love, on communication and health rather than stress, work, work, anger towards rush hour all trivial things that used to take so much space inside my head giving me so much anxiety.

In spite of all odds, my mental health got actually better and my physical health as well, building stamina and challenging myself to do become better every day. Coming into my forties I realised that I am not actually getting old but rather wise and I should strive and push my limits instead of moping around thinking my life is going downhill from here. I am doing still Beach Body challenge and now in a program that is so out of my comfort zone with lots of ballet moves (grace is not one of my strong points) putting a strain on the little muscles that were so fast asleep before. Also, I am alternating days with my new discovered passion that is running and I am aiming to do a 5k in the next week or so.

I take regular walks and teach my daughter just how important it is to stay active and always try and do the things that bring you joy – hence why she is trying to play a guitar that is missing one cord :)) making me want to hide and look for a quiet place

Now, as the world is slowly getting back to the old normal I find myself wondering if I am ready to join in. I am due to go back to work in a week and Ruby is going back to preschool. She is over the moon about it, happy to meet her friends again and play all day while I started to question my normality. I do miss my work and my friends there, I miss a good old take away coffee and a laughter with the people but in the same time, I love the structure I have built around myself in the past months and I don’t want to give up on it. I keep trying to think about how will I squeeze in my runs and workouts around my work days and also I have to admit that I am a bit afraid of the anxiety that might come with it all.

The thought of using public transport wearing a mask and gloves, the idea of actually going in a train terrifies me somehow as I have been spared of all this so far. I know I have to brace myself and face it all, figure things out and learn again a new normal but I really don’t want to :)) Maybe I just want to be a little snail, slowly slowly getting out there and not all at once. Since March I only avoided people, kept social distancing and now, stores and restaurants will open and once going back to work it only means one thing: I have to talk to people again and take all their frustrations in trying to pretend they don’t get to me. And let me tell you one thing: I know everyone will just burst in all stores and demand to be first of everything not giving a damn about the pandemic or any minimal safety guidelines. I can feel it

Then again, will I ever be ready? NO

Therefore I just have to deal with it all and put my happy face and dancing shoes on, ready to face the show with all its challenges. And just when things will finally settle, there comes September and my little girl will start school forcing me to adapt to a new era, one of school runs, holidays during half term and days off that won’t actually bring me any alone time. But also a new era when she won’t need me as much and I will have to rediscover who I am without the hairbrushes, putting clothes on and feeding a toddler, holding hands and having a mini heart attack every time she falls over but with pleas of putting shoes on in more that what seems an eternity, pleas of being listened to and not being called a potato head or a banana peal, pleas of learning to communicate like a normal human being instead of using feet stamping and/or angry faces to express the fact that she does not want anything but she actually does but she doesn’t know what it is but she does and she won’t tell me because I need to guess (that is the moment when I try and pull whatever’s left of my hair out, suppress any screaming and desire to just grab her by the shoulders and and shout: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!!!!)

Oh, happy days are ahead 🙂 but until they will come, I will try and finish my June challenge in the hope of raising funds for Cancer Research (just click and donate if you would like to make me happy) and adapt to the new normal keeping my healthy routine and striving to get better and fitter and healthier.

2 thoughts on “AM I READY TO GO BACK?

  1. I don’t think anyone will really be ready, but life will eventually have to get back to normal. First week of semi-normality and we all caught Covid, but realized that we were part of the 80% that only experience mild symptoms! Good luck

    Liked by 1 person

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