Before we become mothers, we are women.
We have needs, desires, we have things that drive us forwards and we have things that bring us down.
When we become mothers we tend to forget about all of the above. We concentrate on that bundle of joy we carried inside for nine months. And we give it all to him/her. We put our baby first (and it should be this way) and we start to neglect ourselves (this shouldn’t happen but it does more often than we think)
Days become nights and nights melt into days and we wake up months and months later realising that we are not happy anymore. At least not in the sense of what we used to call happiness.
Of course our baby is everything and of course it’s a joy to be a mother. Of course that little one is your entire universe and every milestone and every first fills your heart with a joy you never thought existed. Of course you never knew what love really is until you held your baby for the first time. These things are normal and every mom knows them so well.
But she also knows that secretly she thinks of all those moments she forgot about but made her happy as a woman, not a mother. That pair of amazing heels hidden in the back of the closet cause they don’t fit anymore or your feet hurt so much you don’t even dare trying them on; that favourite dress that doesn’t look so sexy on your wider hips anymore, those days when you used to stop at a random coffee shop and read for hours until your eyes hurt. Oh, and that flat tummy you had before you hosted a human being inside of you.
We change so much, physically and psychologically in such a short period of time that it all becomes a bit overwhelming and if we are not strong enough to admit the good and bad, we have to be ready to welcome anxiety and depression in our lives.
As women, we have such unbelievable strength but we are not aware of it until the moment comes to prove it. It’s finding what works for us that is hard. Some rediscover themselves and find their power in a work from home business, some discover working out is their stress relief form, others cook or knit, run – we all have that one thing and we need to find it.
About six months after I had my daughter I realised I wasn’t confident anymore. I was not happy with myself and if you asked me I couldn’t have told you exactly why.
“How are you?” – people would ask
my answer would always be
“I’m ok. So happy Ruby is eating and sleeping better now” or “Oh my God. I am so good. My baby just said mama for the first time. I am so proud”
But you see, I was identifying myself with my daughter and nobody asked again: “No. YOU. How are YOU?”
Maybe if someone would have I would probably realise earlier what was happening to me.
But months passed and I was getting myself deeper and deeper into motherhood forgetting me as a woman.
By the time my daughter turned one I started to come out of my shell and open my eyes. I slowly realised what was going on so I started looking for that something that would bring joy to myself. I can tell you it was not easy. And it took so much time and so many failures.
I once started this home business selling kids books cause I thought how hard can that be. I love books, I have a baby and therefore I can do it. After few months I realised this is definitely not for me. I did not have the time or will to commit so I had to say good bye to the company.
I did stay in touch with some of the ladies and it helped me to start from somewhere and for this I always said: thank you
Further down I realised that the way I looked was not something I was proud of. It did not make me feel good about myself so I went through a crisis that made me throw out most of my clothes (a thing I regret now when I am back on my size ten again)
I tried and tried so many things but nothing seemed to help me feel fulfilled again. But, you see, everything happens when you least expect it and good comes always after rain.
I needed the rain in my life and I got a storm. It hit me so hard I thought I won’t make it back to life. But I did because that was the moment I realised just how strong I am. And I picked myself up and I found this amazing person (more like she found me) who motivated me and introduced me to a wonderful group of determined women. I decided to follow them and went into a workout programme that fit me like a glove.
Few months down the line I look at myself and I know for sure that I am a woman before being a mother. I got my confidence back, I made time to work out and it brings me joy and peace of mind. I feel more energetic and happier than I have been in a very long time.
So, see… it takes time but the result pays out. You are a woman before being a mother and you should not neglect yourself. Do things that make you happy because at the end of the day a happy mother raises a happy child.