Once you become a mum you find yourself lost for a while. Until you get into a sort of a routine you find that the mirror is your enemy, the beautiful make up that once did you proud expired a while back, your high heels are now a beautiful display of what your feet could wear any time of the day and your clothes are stashed in the closet behind baggy t shirts and maternity leggings. Your world revolves around your little one’s needs and you forgot completely how life was when you had friends calling to take you out on a Wednesday or a Saturday cause who cares what day of the week is as long as it’s alcohol day.

This lasts for some time. After your bundle of joy passed the stage of “let me get used to life outside your womb” and sets into some sort of a routine you feel like you seen the light at the end of the tunnel. OMG. I mean you can wash your hair in peace. You can even sleep for more than 30 minutes at once and you see the sun shining on your window. You get brave and even think of trying on old piece of clothing because you want to feel pretty again. Hack.

Go buy yourself a foundation and a lipstick. GO ON

You deserve them. Go feel like a princess while you push a stroller in the park, buy a coffee and sit down while the little one takes a nap. It feels like heaven. You think “Wow” I am ME again. I feel like my old self.

Yes. This is stage two as I call it. Denial. Lie to yourself. You still can’t remember who old you was. You have an idea about it but baby brain stops you from actually remembering it. It lasts up to one year after giving birth and there is a good reason behind it but we will maybe talk about it in another post.
It is a nice place you’re in. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Be happy that your old top still fits. Put on that new make up and live for a bit

I mean there is nothing wrong with it.
Soon enough comes the weaning process and that is a messy and frustrating job. You will end up spending lots and lots of money on Vanish and clean your carpet every day, nappies will be so smelly that the amount of air fresheners you have in the house will equal the one on every Sainsbury’s shelf and baby clothes will be mostly stained with spaghetti bolognese and carrot or peas mash.
Every stage ends while another starts and somehow you are never the same. You grow, you prioritise and mature. Your old self will never be back. How many times have you left the house in a mess and went out with your friends? How many times you called in sick just to enjoy a lie in until next morning? Or eat ice cream while watching and entire season of Grey’s Anatomy, drink a bottle of wine and have a random nap at 3 in the afternoon just because you can?

Have you bought yourself a very expensive pair of shoes or a handbag, maxing out your credit card because you have no worries and you know you will pay it back eventually?
My guess is NONE on any of the above. And my answer is just the same. You know what my guilty pleasure is now? Having my little one asleep in the stroller while I enjoy a Starbucks coffee and read a book without hearing any babbling, having her pull my clothes in seek of attention or just screaming cause she is bored. Sounds like nothing but for me it’s something so precious. That coffee always tastes better than any other and that book is so much more interesting like this.
So, see. I once said that I found my old self and I am happy. Actually I didn’t. I found my new self. The one who is a mommy and leaves the house forgetting her wallet (thank God there is Apple Pay), with a messy hair, a decent face so I won’t scare people away and sometimes wearing my favourite top stating “this is my too tired to function t-shirt”.

I am a mommy who plans to go out for a drink way in advance and sometimes cancels cause the little devil has temperature or a tummy bug. I swear she only gets something when I have plans to go out. Any other day of the year she is a perfectly healthy and happy baby.
And I am like every other one out there, the one who wakes up five times a night just to check on the baby out of habit and stress. I am the one who suffers panic attacks every time I hear my baby coughing or I see her falling.

We are all the same and we all worry the same. We are all looking to be our old self again and enjoy the same things we used to but one day, sooner or later we all realise that that old person is not us anymore. We are changed never to be the same again. We have different priorities and no matter how much we try to enjoy those clubbing sleepless nights, those drinking till morning times and crazy spendings on designer items, we won’t be able to.

Our mind always wanders towards what little ones are doing – have they had dinner, did they eat everything, are they changed, properly dressed, sleeping soundly and comfortably without us? – because we truly believe that nobody knows our babies better than us and nobody can do our job to perfection like us.
Like it or not, we are in the mummy club and life here is so much more different than before. But we love it and although we complain, we stress, we cry and and scream we know we wouldn’t change it for the world so let’s stop looking to be our old selves back cause we won’t like it anymore. Enjoy who we became cause we all are a far better person and a far better picture that what we used to be.