Have you ever noticed how conversations change once you become a mother?
Recently I started thinking about things moms discuss with other moms and it seems like no matter the background topics are absolutely the same. As soon as you give birth every other mom out there will ask you THE QUESTIONS: “Was it natural or C-section? Did you have pain relief? What sort of pain relief?” – this is the third degree you get and no matter the answers, you will still feel a bit judged or not good enough.
We do our best to look like we got it all under control and have conversations and answer questions from other moms from the weird desire of hiding our true feelings.
We share stories about breastfeeding like we done it all our lives and it comes natural to us all and we feel the need to reassure others that we got it sorted. Our child is latching and feeding and all smiles and giggles. It’s some sort of a sick stigma and we hide under sore nipples, frustrated feeds, newborns not gaining enough weight, tears of helplessness and feelings of failure. WHY? Because we live in a society where we have to strive and we lie to each other through our teeth, secretly knowing that we all fail on one front or the other.
Instagram and all social media is filled with “perfect” motherhood moments that we envy while scrolling down through posts not thinking what hides behind it all.
On the other hand when mothers meet, it all changes. Face to face we all talk the same things:
- MAKE FUN OF OUR SITUATION – I did and it felt so amazing. I remember I met a new mom at a mummy and baby yoga class and we hit it off from the first moment. We used to go out for coffee and just laugh out loud about our sleep deprived lives, about how we put the nappy backwards, how we accidentally stole things from the stores because our mummy brains completely forgot about the stuff we put in the pushchair and about how we always forget when was the last time we washed our hair. Talking about funny, awkward and embarrassing things ou children have done helps so much and gives a different perspective to us all.
- SHARING EMBARRASSING MOMENTS – God, this was my favourite and my top story still remains the one with the swimming pool. Ruby was about four months old and the coach used to call her little mermaid as she was a natural in the water. I had a perfect #proudmummy moment there that was absolutely ruined the moment she shat while swimming. And yes, her nappy leaked resulting in filling the pool with little pieces of shit. And if this was not enough, my bathing suit was full of it as well. Lesson finished way before its time, they had to empty out the pool and clean it and that was the end of my days in there as I felt so damn ashamed of what my child did. Looking back now, it still brings tears to my eyes laughing about it.
- SLEEP PATTERNS – we all have the same wish: for our baby to sleep through the night and if one mom will say her child does we will ask. What did she do? How did she do it? Reality is… babies are so different and some are natural sleepers whereas others are shitty sleepers like mine who slept through the night for the first time when she was one year old and I forgot already what a night sleep is.
- WEANING – this was one very touchy subject for me as I felt clueless so I asked everyone I knew how did they start, when, with what? Was it rice? Was it puree? Was it fruits? Truth is we were all just the same and we just shared our experiences and failures and I felt normal. We all talked about how poop changed and I swear I never thought discussing my child’s shitty pants can feel so natural and not disgusting at all.
- OUR BIRTH STORY – this actually is one of the first things you talk about with other moms. How was your birth? Was it the way you imagined? Was it natural? Was it quick? How did you manage? And to everyone’s surprise I had to say that I had an amazing experience and my birth story was just beautiful. It was painful and it lasted thirteen hours, I had only gas and air amd my child gave me a second degree tear as she came out with her arm around her neck but somehow I still think this was the most beautiful day of my life.
There are so many other subjects we talk about and I could write a full book on it but nobody will actually bother reading it although I would love it.
Let’s see… there is teething, BLW or purees; potty training; dummy, comforters; going back to work; nursery; nappies or cloth diapers; when was the last time you had a hot coffee; dealing with a toddler; wanting another child; baby first steps; sleep; co sleeping and also when is it ok to move baby in their own room; wine, sex before and after birth, how the baby changed your relationship fr better or worse; more wine and more sleep.
Did I miss anything?