As a new mum I can’t help but notice the discrimination we are surrounded by. Starting with the train stations where you have no escalator or lift and ending with people not trusting you just because you are on maternity leave. What is wrong with society? Isn’t the judging enough? I thought that once I became a mother I’ll automatically be part of this sort of sorority where nobody will judge me, everyone is keen on saying beautiful words about my child and give me advice on anything related to being a mum. I thought that nobody will judge you about breastfeeding or bottle feeding your baby, about when you start giving solids or even about your baby taking the dummy. Yes. I had that. I heard it from a professional. She said it in such a judgmental way that I thought I will just start shouting and swearing at her. “See. Babies with no dummy are more talkative. That baby is giggling so much. Ruby is so quiet”. Really?! Oh well. Listen you bitch. My baby is as talkative as you can get. If she is not in the mood to play monkey for you it doesn’t mean anything. Or actually it does. It means that my baby don’t like you. It was on the tip of my tongue and I have no idea what stopped me from saying it. Maybe common sense, maybe the fact that I was raised with morals and values and I am way too polite to make a scene. I preferred to be the bigger person and just leave it as it was.
I have to admit I judge as well but only for myself. I will never go to a mother and ask her why is she doing things the way she does. Maybe she has a good reason for it and it’s not my business to ask. I always had a problem with women carrying their 3-5 year old in a buggy. I never understood why would you strap your baby while out and about instead of leaving him/her to walk and run and do what every child wants to do. I thought it’s just laziness from the parents side, I thought it’s easier for them to keep their children in one place while they shop and have their coffees although all you hear is a very annoying cry, a desperate cry for help from their little ones. I judged them for such a long time I don’t remember. The thing is I can still say I am right when it comes to some parents but after reading an article I learned that I shouldn’t do it. Some children may look absolutely healthy but they are not. I read about a little girl who had a muscle problem and she got tired very quick so if she wasn’t put in a chair or in bed to rest she would be in terrible pain. This got me thinking and now, every time I see a big child in a buggy I try and stop judging.
I started from something else and somehow I got to the judging part. It is a massive issue but I wanted to touch the subject of discrimination. I have to travel by bus or walk everywhere with my baby as most train stations don’t have escalators or lifts. It is so so annoying.
How am I supposed to go up so many stairs carrying my five months old baby, her changing bag (we all know how many things that contains and how heavy it can get) and the pushchair all in one go?
Yes, my fiancee can do this but not me
shall I leave baby down the stairs while I go get the buggy?
this is how I see the stairs at the train station
I am telling you. I can’t do it. It is impossible for me. I might have superpowers in my baby’s eyes but in reality I am just human (with a high tolerance to pain). So there you go. Can anyone think of this as well and build some damn escalators or a lift at all train stations?
Than while most places are Mum friendly you still find restaurants with no baby changing facilities, coffee shops with only one small toilet that is so dirty you rather think they don’t have one and so on. Now, you get the discrimination from estate agents as well and landlords. I am looking to move out from where we live now and trust me is no easy job. Adds with NO FAMILIES ALLOWED fill up pages and pages of offers. I went to view some properties and I got asked straight away how am I going to afford moving out as long as I am on maternity leave? Really? Where were you when I explained nicely over the phone that I still get payed? Why would you ask me such a rude question making me feel like I am homeless or something? This was one of the most annoying things ever.
The other day I had to tell someone on the phone: By the way. I do have a baby. Is it a problem? What do you think the answer was? Let me tell you. I only heard a pause followed by: “Oh! Yeah… sorry but we don’t like kids in the property”. There you go. They don’t like kids in their property. Do you like dogs chewing on your furniture than?
Such bad experiences I had lately that I am close to going crazy. Am I not entitled to finding a place to move into just because I am a mother? What is wrong with people these days? Since when a baby is such a big problem?
Before you get pregnant everyone is painting this beautiful, idealistic image of motherhood so everything can be ruined later on by assholes. I keep wondering why and I still have no answer.
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