I don’t normally write about events. I only write about my life as a mother but this time I feel like I have to have my day in this story.
I woke up this mor big to find out about the horrendous attack in Manchester at Ariana Grande’s concert. 22 people died and at least 59 are injured. The police confirmed children amongst dead and this is something that brings pain in my heart. They are the innocents, the ones who haven’t even figured out what life is all about when suddenly it was taken away from them. What a cruel world we live in. So sad. We post things, we write and we make efforts to make the world a better place but somehow we fail, somehow it gets worse day by day.
Kids in Syria, kids in Manchester, kids, tiny creatures, beautiful souls, the ones who are suppose to brighten up this place are dying. They are dying for someone else’s beliefs, for someone else’s interests to be fulfilled.
I always believed terrorist attacks are far from me, they can’t happen here in UK. I just read a book about an MI5 agent. At the end he said we are safe and we can sleep at night thinking nothing can go wrong. Funny, isn’t it? Funny how this happened now. Feels like none of us are safe.
On my way to work I found out they Victoria station was closed due to a suspect package. If my southern train is cancelled, I do pass by Victoria station on my way to work. And this scared me to death. This made me think more about what happened last night. How your life can be taken away from you before you got the chance to have your story lived. So scary. So insane. I kept thinking what will happen to my baby if I was to be dead. I didn’t finish taking care of her, telling her how much I love her. I haven’t finished cuddling her and loving her. I still have love in me to give and I feel like I am in the middle of my story. Right in the middle of it and not the end.
Today I went to work as usual but something felt different. Apart from the extra security everywhere I could sense the fear. My work place was almost empty although on a normal day gets quite busy and lively. What is odd is the fact that only few years ago I was in the middle of an evacuation due to a suspect package. I was right there, directing people out the centre. It all took so long and I was amongst the last people to come out of there, right minutes before we got all clear message. It was a real threat and I still remember that day but somehow I wasn’t scared than. Not for a second. That day did not affect me as much as the Manchester attack, the picture of that eight year old little girl dead along with other 21. This felt so close to me, it felt so very real and painful and it makes me angry. Angry at this cynical world, at these psychopaths with no brain. War is all about politics and terrorist attacks are the result of it. So many innocent people die in vain.
I have always been a positive person, I always wanted to change the world somehow, make it a better place but now I feel powerless, defeated and hurt. I am nobody. I cannot change this place, I cannot change mentalities and beliefs. I am one against millions. And if I am not alone in this, I still am defeated. Those who got the power don’t share my heart. Such a shame.
I will not be able to say more about this. I don’t want to. It is way too sad. I can only hope my child will leave better times. I hope she will get to know the change for the good in this world and she won’t have to ever be worried or afraid.