It’s that time of the year when we make resolutions for the one to come. I am just like everyone else so each year I do the same thing. I reflect upon the year just gone, think of all accomplishments and failures, put it all in a balance and hope for a positive result.
The years before I was so nostalgic and depressed. I was looking back to see a lonely picture, a year full of disappointment, not many adventures and lots of feelings of guilt towards my family for moving into a foreign country, thousands of miles away just to prove myself I can be on my own and I can make it in life without anyone’s help. It was a big price to pay for this dream but I had to do it. I somehow felt like I belong here and I should have done it a long time ago but God has a plan for all of us and everything happens at the right time.
It was meant to be and missing my family every day was and is the price I pay for it. It’s not easy specially around Christmas time, new year, Easter, birthdays and all days that used to gather us all around the table in a crazy noise as we all love to talk in the same time, annoy each other and all the things family do on occasions like these.
I see Facebook pictures from gatherings mentioning the entire family but me and I can’t help but being a bit jealous of them wishing I was there for a bit. But we don’t get to chose our destiny. It is written in the stars and we only can follow it and live what was given to us. Now, this year I got to experience so many things, I lived every day to the max, I laughed till I had tears in my eyes and I also cried until I ran out of tears but mostly I laughed. Because 2016 was the best year so far for me. I experienced sleepless nights and swollen feet, looking like a whale and praying for better days. And they came. They brought me the most wonderful thing I could receive. I became a mother and I realised that there is nothing better in the world. My heart filled with so much love I never knew existed and the more tired I got the more I loved my baby. The more frustrated I got the more I loved her. She was so small and beautiful, so peaceful when she first came into this world. I remember that day like it was yesterday. So many emotions, adrenaline kicking in and keeping me awake for days staring at her and barely believing I created that tiny person.
And I guess this was the highlight of 2016 for me.
I created so many memories, I learned on the go and I loved every moment of it, even the ones when I felt lost and helpless for they were the ones that gave me strength to carry on and determined me to be better every day.
What can I wish for from 2017 when I got so many from 2016?
Oh, but I do wish for so many things. Obviously I wish I would start playing the lottery and win so I can stay home and spend all days with my little munchkin but apart from this there are more realistic things I wish for. Things I should be able to accomplish within the next twelve months.
So here are my new year resolutions:
- Stop looking online for everything baby related trying to figure out if my child is well or has God knows what rash or eczema, playing doctor in my head and already thinking of the worst results out there causing myself so much anxiety and stress.
- Stop comparing my baby with someone else’s so I can feel shit about myself or my little one’s development
- Stop obsessing so much about losing weight (specially the tummy) and accept the fact that I will never be a size eight anymore. Be happy with 10-12. It’s not that bad.
- Stop buying so many baby clothes even if they are on sale. Every age stage 0-3; 3-6; 6-9 came with a pile of trousers, tops, vests, sleep-suits, cute dresses and socks that Ruby never got the chance to wear.
- Stop being jealous of those mums who look like they never gave birth and they never lost a battle with sleep, have perfect hair and nails done any time of the day
- Talk to a doctor about my anxiety and stress as it’s getting worse and worse
- Stop. Breath. Relax. Love life as it is and don’t think of tomorrow. Be proud of my little baby even when she drives me insane
- Learn what the hell I am doing with this blog and not just post regularly
- Learn how to sleep at night without worrying as much about my baby sleeping (I was upset and tired when she was not sleeping through the night and now that she does I wake up to check on her)
- Worry – stop worrying so much about every little thing in my life
- Stop giving a shit about what everyone thinks and wants and focus more on my own situation rather than trying to help every single person I know and care about all their issues.
- Go visit my family and this is one of the most important ones. They still haven’t met Ruby face to face
- Learn how to budget and do some savings
- Drink more water and less wine (this I know is not very realistic but I can always try)
- Start wearing heels again and feel good about myself
- Stop beating myself up about not being a good mother. I am doing the best I can and my daughter is such a happy, smart baby.
- Never stop getting pissed off with mums who leave their toddlers at home and go shopping with the stroller, use the baby changing toilet and allocated parking spaces just because they are mothers. You who do this I really don’t like
The list can go on and on but I have to stop. Anxiety will kick in soon if I write more about this subject.
And because we are at the end of this post and the end of the year I want to take some time and thank you all for reading my blog and becoming my virtual friends (some of you I feel like I know so well by reading your blogs). I wish you all a Happy New Year full of joy and happiness, health and love. May 2017 bring all good things in your lives and grant your wishes