Remember those days when you wanted children and seen yourself as the perfect parent riding a unicorn with your hair waving in the air, your LO farting rainbows, having clean clothes any time of the day and their nose never dripping?
Remember those days when you judged all parents around you? Those ones who ignored their children’s cry sometimes, those that allowed kids to wear wellies and frilly dresses or hero costumes in any season, the ones who gave their offsprings a tablet or a phone during dinner? The ones who still used a stroller although their child seemed a bit too big for that?
I DO! I was that person. I was the judgy non parent acting like I’ll do a better job than anyone else.
Back then I swore to be the perfect mother, the patient one who can listen and educate her child without losing it ever. I was that one who rolled her eyes at people because their child was screaming or had a very snotty nose, because they used a leash on their kids and because …. everything that seemed to me out of normality (my normality obviously).
The day I become a parent everything shifted and I felt the sting of those non parent judgy people staring at me because my daughter had a dummy up to when she was over two years old, because she seemed to big not to be potty trained (she is quite tall so everyone assumes she is older), because I use a stroller with her, because I left crying in Tesco over not getting chocolates before lunch and so many other things.
Let me tell you something: I swore my daughter will never wear wellies and dresses because I didn’t like the way they looked. Look at me now.
She loves her wellies and her frilly dresses so I dress her accordingly.
I swore my daughter will never have a tablet or a phone to use in the house or outside the house. But you know what. Times change and we live in an era where social media and devices are used by everyone. We never had them because they weren’t invented at the time.
My daughter will use an Ipad so I can do my workout, she’ll use one sometimes because she’s just having a crazy tantrum and I don’t want to lose my shit so I just give it to her for few minutes so she can calm down.
And with all this she still prefers her books and toys and she still plays pretend, her imagination is incredible and she loves being outside with her friends.
Yes, she is turning 3 next month and I still use a stroller. You know why? Because she gets tired still and when I go shopping is so much easier to put all my things in the basket and just push my daughter rather than killing myself carrying bags and a grumpy toddler.
And sometimes I lose it because she is at that age when she is testing my and her limits. I try to hide it and I try to be the bigger person showing my daughter that you can solve anything with calm and reason but only I know how I swear and scream in my mind.
SO, dear non parents stop pretending you know anything about parenting. Stop judging and if you can’t help a parent in need, just ignore the situation and walk away. Don’t roll your eyes, don’t whisper stupid remarks about how you would save the day because you can never be in the shoes of a parent until you become one.