I always wanted to be a mother. I think I had that feeling even since I was too young. I have few cousins and a baby brother, my neighbors had babies when I was growing up so I’ve been surrounded. But instead of going crazy with the noise I just loved it. Such a calming effect babies have. I used to pick them up and sing to them (mostly whisper as I have a terrible voice), rock them and play with them. My mum used to tell me I like kids only because they are not mine. We play, we giggle and they go back to their mummy and daddy who do the actual parenting job, the hard 24 h work. Obviously I wasn’t always aware of what being a parent actually meant. Hell, maybe I never knew for sure until I had my own baby. I am 36 and I am first time mum. It just didn’t happen before. I guess God had a plan for me and made me wait. To be honest good things do happen to those who wait. I could never find a better father for my little munchkin nor a better man to spend the rest of my life with. I am happy I waited. But never mind that. Before I had Ruby I never thought of parenting as it is. I just stated I want a baby.

Little had I known how my life would change, how my heart will fill with so much love, how I would trade the pub dates with baby yoga and baby club meetings, how talking about poo would be such an interesting topping and my sleepless nights would just become something so normal. I truly don’t remember how it feels to wake up after a full night sleep. I enjoy having two-three hours of continuous sleep and panic if my baby fidgets during the night. I am dreaming of that first time when she will follow a pattern and spend a full night sleeping instead of crying or giggling and talking to herself. I traded so many things for others. I exchanged my shoe addiction with baby toys and clothes; my very long almost drunk walks around London Bridge with very sober and healthy walks in parks pushing the buggy up and down the hills. It feels so strange to walk like a normal person with just a handbag and nice shoes. I traded the high heels with trainers and flat boots, pencil skirts with chinos and jeans that feel so comfortable but most of all I feel like I traded my friends with my baby. Miraculously, most of them almost disappeared from my life all of a sudden cause I don’t have enough free time to listen to their drama that seems just a bunch of crap made up issues comparing to my worries right now. I learned the advantages of online shopping and sales as well as appreciating what coffee really is – a magic potion every mummy needs so she can survive and carry on with daily chores. I learned what life is away from corporate jobs and fake attitudes. I learned how beautiful it is to enjoy a smile and be home surrounded by so much love. I am not looking forward to going back to work although before I went on maternity I could swear I would want to be back after just a month or two.

Being a mother rocks. There is nothing compared to this feeling and if you are not a parent you cannot really understand the full meaning of it. I look at my baby and her face lights up every time she sees me. It is enough to chase away all my worries and pain. I am not stressed about how can I manage to pay off for a designer handbag or hairdresser appointments and pedicures every month although I miss the feeling of someone massaging my feet and giving me a proper pedicure instead of the one I give myself. I am now worried and stressed about my beautiful little monkey growing up in a lovely home, with morals and standards, getting her into a good nursery and later on school, making sure she has everything she needs and raising her to be better than I will ever be. I am stressed if she doesn’t poo one day or if she sneezes more than once. My life is now dedicated to her and my lack of sleep, toothache or any other pain I might have is just something I can live with and sometimes forget about in a blink of an eye.

I always thought I know what love is, what happiness looks like and what is the meaning of life. But no. I knew nothing about any of that. I only found out when I held her for the first time, when I felt her breath on my skin and she gave me her tiny hand  trusting me with her life. So yeah, being a mummy rocks. It feels absolutely amazing and it cannot be compared with anything. I would lie if I say I never got pissed off or I never had moments when I looked at my baby in despair feeling defeated. Oh I had plenty of those and most probably there will be more to come. I had moments when I dreaded Kris going to work and leaving me alone with the monkey. I had days when all I wanted was to get away from it all for a while and come back a new person.  But I take this anytime of the day.

This  innocent smile, this innocent bundle of joy needing me so much gives me a purpose in life. She gives me strength and joy, she brings light into my life and gives a meaning to it all.

So yes, how many reasons you need more to believe that nothing beats being a mum.

If you don’t believe me just follow the link and read some other mummy declarations:

PS: I am not the only one, am I?