Lately everyone asked me if I miss my baby bump. Smiling at me, giving me that conspiratory look like they already know the answer but they just want to hear it from me and make that “Aaaaawwww” sound. Well no. I don’t miss it. Why would I? It’s not like I had it so easy I could run around every day wrapped up around a pink cloud of happiness. I still had to work 40 hours a week until I was 37 weeks pregnant. I still had to be the perfect employee, doing my eight hours standing and getting 100% while being mystery shopped. I do work in customer service so I had to serve all crazy and irrational people, trying to reason with them between my nausea and back pain. I had to smile at every person stopping at my desk with the dumbest requests I’ve ever heard of. Of course I was trying to help and be polite but only I know I invented an entire swearing dictionary that was playing in my mind every single day I was at work.
Why would I miss my belly when I had to carry it around every day up and down the stairs of every train station, barely breathing and sweating like a piggy. Not to mention getting into public transport and praying someone would give me a seat. And it almost never happened. I would just stare at each and every person sitting down in a train or bus while they pretended I don’t exist, making themselves busy reading, playing on their phone or doing crossword puzzles. I don’t miss having to protect my belly everywhere I go as nobody seems to acknowledge nobody. People are blind. They only see themselves and you can faint, you can fall it’s just the same. They bump into you and run you over just to catch a train although the next one is just a minute away.
Why would I miss my belly when I could barely sit up to wash the dishes while bouncing from one leg to the other so I can avoid pain. Why would I miss it when I was forgetting even the smallest of things, like buying bread or water; when all I was dreaming of was an ice lolly or chips with humus for lunch; when nothing fit me and all underwear I could buy made me look like my grandmother and no pair of shoes was comfortable enough to take me anywhere without being in pain or having swollen legs that looked like tree trunks.
Why would I miss those sleepless nights when I was waking up 10 times to go pee, other ten to roll over from one side to another and another five times to have a biscuit or an ice lolly. Why would I miss that? I remember it would take me between 3 and 5 minutes to roll over in bed, having to stand up most of the times and guess what. I wasn’t happy with the result. I always realised that I was more comfortable as I was at the beginning.
I don’t miss people telling me how huge I was and asking me all stupid questions in the world. I don’t miss not being able to wash properly and trying to shave my legs becoming mission impossible. I don’t have to mention my horrible pedicure as I couldn’t bend over properly to reach my toes.
I don’t miss being pregnant and staring at food like it’s something from another planet, wanting to eat so much and taking two bites feeling full and sick. I don’t miss not being able to sit down on any normal chair without my sciatica nerve killing me. Well, this was the reason I couldn’t sit as well, I couldn’t lie down properly or walk like a normal person for so many months. And no, I don’t miss waking up every night around 4 in the morning to bounce on that gym ball while eating two to three ice lollies and watching the time go by praying I could go back to sleep.
I don’t miss those damn mood swings and irrational reactions, I don’t miss the hormones transforming me into a crazy monster with no brain. No, I do not miss any of this. Nor the diet I had while craving a portion of calamari or a cheese platter with a glass of wine. Do I have to mention I do not miss being pregnant just because I couldn’t have coffee. God I remember how much I missed that.
No, I do not miss my baby bump cause I have my baby. But you want to know what I miss? I’ll tell you. I miss the little kicks and crazy moves in my belly at two am when I was trying to sleep, I miss touching the belly and imagining how my baby will look like; I miss singing to her, talking to her and reading those Peter Rabbit and Sophie la giraffe books feeling silly. I miss arranging the nursery and buying clothes for the baby I was expecting. I miss that happy feeling I had every time I felt her move. I miss reading about how she develops every week and how big she gets, how she started to hear our voices or how she can have hiccups. I miss the joy of a scan when we could see tiny feet, toes and little arm, a cute face and hear a heart bit. I miss the expectations and the surprise. I miss the excitement and the love I felt for that human being I didn’t meet yet. I miss all of these and more and for this reason all the bad and insane pregnancy moments are definitely worth while.
SONG OF THE DAY: – another one of our favorites