Having a support mummy group and being part of some others on social media made me realise how different we all see this journey called motherhood. Not because of age or background, education, race or part of the world we live in but because of who we actually are inside.
I planned my pregnancy. I wanted to be pregnant and have a child and I was more than ready physically and mentally. I followed doctors orders and exercised as much as possible, I worked up to two weeks before giving birth and I attended all antenatal, breastfeeding classes I could. I never asked anyone what they think about these classes so I can make up my mind about going or not, I never asked anyone if I am allowed to eat a runny egg if I am 7 weeks pregnant and most definitely I never asked medical advice regarding my health or my unborn baby’s from anyone but a doctor. I hid my pregnancy until I was about 16-17 weeks pregnant because of superstitions. I did have some occasional McDonalds, Burger King meals and obviously I went through that unhealthy phase when you want bowls of ice cream and waffles and wake up at 3am to have ice lollies and chocolate.
I did google and it happened a lot in my first trimester but seeing where you can end up from searching a simple headache made me give up on this activity. The only things that went on my search history were: what do I need in my hospital bag? what food is forbidden during pregnancy? healthy pregnancy exercises and activities; and obviously going on youtube and checking videos regarding how do you dress a newborn and how do you bathe a newborn. Rest I found out from the midwife.
I attended the antenatal classes and it made me understand the labour process, pain relief, birthing positions, and prepared me most of mentally about what giving birth means. I understood that it’s all a natural process at the end of which I receive my reward: finally getting to know my baby. I learned that I am not going hospital for the pain relief but for my baby. Obviously there are exceptions, there are situations when something goes wrong and you will require a surgery to be able to bring your baby into this world and obviously it all depends on everyone’s tolerance to pain but if you have a straightforward pregnancy, if you are mentally prepared for labour than YOU CAN DO IT!
When you given birth you have a responsibility towards the life you created
I am writing this letter to all mums out there because I want to let you know that it’s all motherhood. When you given birth you have a responsibility towards the life you created. Sleepless nights, baggy tops full of snot and vomit, trips to A&E, being sick and still able to take care of your child and the house …. they are all part of this parenting process and you won’t be able to skip them no matter what you do. Your partner is there for support but not to mother your children. Fathers see things differently and they are more laid back than we are. It’s the truth and will never change. Some have more of that parenthood gene and some have less. That don’t make them a bad parent. Fathers will always be the fun ones and mums the ones who worry beyond normality.
This is life and you are living it. Your priority is your child and not what other people do or how many people still hang out with you after having a baby, not how others see you as a mother and most definitely not what google shows you when you type: “baby rash”
I have seen so many women complaining that their partner went out for drinks with friends while they sit in the house with the baby. What is the problem? I really don’t get it. You are the MOTHER, you know what is best for your newborn. Trust me, you will find the time to go out with your friends as well.
It all gets better
I literally have nobody in this country to take my child for the night or day so I can go out for drinks with my friends. You know what? My friends still come to see me and they accept and love my child. I organise my life around my child and not around my desire to go out. We all need a break from motherhood and God knows how much coffee we need to survive but it all gets better in the end. All you need is patience and understanding. Your baby needs you more than anyone else in this world. Your skin, your smell, your voice, your arms – they are what your baby sees as pure bliss so take a look at your little ones and remember that you gave them life and this is the most precious thing you can ever achieve. Be proud and hang in there. Life will not ever give you more than you can bear.
I am writing this letter to all mums because I want to remind them that it is so damn hard and you will get to the stage when you will think you can’t cope, it’s too much and sleep deprivation takes you to the edge of insanity BUT remember that it gets better and you will be so proud and happy when it will.
Stop worrying about what happens around you and concentrate on that bundle of joy you are raising. That is the most beautiful and important thing in the world for you.