Me and little R spend about twenty four hours together. She is way over dependent on me and there are moments when one can easily tell.  A while back I decided to go sign up for different classes where I can meet new mums and she can interact with other babies. Not long left until the day I have to face reality and go back to work. I really don’t want to think about it but in the same time I have to. I need to get my baby ready for that day and trust me it ain’t an easy job. This was the reason we went yoga as well. I found mummy and baby swimming classes and baby massage so I decided to go for it. This happened about four month ago. Just as my luck is everything was fully booked. For the swimming lessons I keep calling regularly to check if there is an opening but nothing comes up, nobody drops out an hour session with their baby splashing around in a pool. I wouldn’t either so I won’t judge but any of you going to Gurnell Leisure Center in Perivale please give up so I can go.
I left my name and phone number at the children’s center hoping to get a spot for the massage classes and my dream came true. After three months. To be honest I gave up on the idea. I was thinking nobody will stop going so I will just learn it all over YouTube and raise my baby online. But somehow things shifted in the right direction and I got a call yesterday asking me if I can come today and for the next five weeks. I am desperate to socialize with other mums. Not for myself but more for Ruby to interact with other babies. I packed our little bag from last night. We put a big muslin, her special cream for eczema as she developed it lately (this will be a future post – my journey through all creams and shampoos trying to cure baby eczema without steroids), powder milk and some toys so she won’t get bored. Specially Sophie la Giraffe so she can chew on it as much as she wants. Come morning we left earlier so we can catch the health visitor and check her weight (good baby. she gained lots of weight. at five months she is 14 pounds –  hope I converted it well as we use kg and that will be 6.370 kg). London is hot these days and makes me so cranky. Waiting half an hour holding my baby and sweating like a piggy was not something I dreamed of but hey, it payed off at the end.

I met few mums and I could check how other babies are around each other. I was hoping my little baby will be as chatty as she normally is but no. She couldn’t be bothered throughout the entire massage session. We were supposed to do the legs today and I just observed. Ruby was tossing and turning, playing with her toy. She was not in the mood to have a massage and to be honest she is fast asleep now and she didn’t get one before bed. After the class there was baby club so I decided on staying just to check what it’s all about. I don’t regret it. A group of mums and their little monkeys in a room. The atmosphere was relaxed with babies of all stages playing and giggling while we were chatting about them, their sleep pattern, bath, teething, rolling or crawling. It was so interesting to talk to real people without rocking myself in the middle of the sentence. My child chose a rattle toy from the basket and she desperately chewed on it without giving a rats ass about anyone. she literally turned her back on everyone.

Now, is my baby antisocial or she just had a chill day?

For my sake I just hope she was not in the mood today. It was the first time when she went into a big group and I think it was a bit much for her. We just have to wait and see next week. I wouldn’t want her to grow up holding my skirt everywhere we go. I love chatty babies and I always thought my baby will be the same (I tend to talk a lot so I hope she won’t be a two word baby).

We shall see. Time will tell. Until that time I am just happy my monkey talks to me, imitates all my sounds and gets amused at all times about every little thing I do. She is proper laughing now and I can’t have enough of that innocent, true laugh. Such a beautiful sound. Maybe the most musical of them all. Babies make art with that sound.

I am getting my confidence back and last night K told me I am an amazing mother and I am doing a good job. I was crying, defeated by my baby’s tantrum and her constant head kicks in my swollen tooth. I let it all out in a fast and crazy cry session but hearing those words from him gave me so much power. As well as the comment I got from  laura lecce  Words have so much power over us. The right ones raise us up and the wrong ones can destroy us in a blink of an eye. So thank you you for giving me the strength to carry on.

PS: Happy five months of life my precious little monkey. Five months ago I gave birth to this amazing baby and I couldn’t be happier. My life is now complete. 

SONG OF THE DAY: one of my favorite ones