In our modern days society puts an immense pressure on mums driving them towards depression and low self esteem. We are shown the perfect pregnancy bodies and even more perfect ones immediately after giving birth. We are pushed into making impossible efforts to balance a perfect life between work and parenting, driving to office with a smile on our faces after a sleepless night and a crying baby. We are shown the perfect make up and amazingly beautiful and ironed outfits when we damn well know that if you want to go out after having a child you probably need to buy something to wear as all your shirts and tops are full of milk stains, snot or vomit. I think the first time I put makeup on after birth I was well into the fifth month of motherhood and I only done it because I was feeling so down and fat, swollen and most definitely unattractive.
While pregnant I worked full time, standing up eight hours every day and walking miles. I ate healthy and I exercised, I managed to cope with sciatica pain and I stayed positive all throughout the nine months I carried my daughter inside me. But you see, all this changes after the baby comes. The belly is going down but the baby is getting bigger. As a first time mother with zero help I found myself overwhelmed by emotions. I was completely in love with my daughter but I was never sure what was going on. The crying was insane sometimes and the seven times a night wake ups soon drove me mad. I struggled with depression trying to break through and still be the perfect mother I dreamed of.
Now, I have a full on toddler on my hands and I see motherhood so completely different. I know reality and I know illusion. I know that there is no “Perfect Susan” out there, the one who has it all figured out living in an immaculate house with two well behaved children, wearing clean outfits and a husband who gives her all she wants and on and on. That Susan is crying herself to sleep because she is struggling with anxiety and depression; the other Susan who has it all on Instagram is making efforts to keep a failed marriage for the sake of her kids; another perfect Susan is shouting at her children and hitting them because she lost the plot and she actually can’t cope with the high standards she shown everyone. There is the perfect Susan who is so desperate to lose weight although she shows her stretch marks on social media with the #proudofmyimperfections; there is that one who doesn’t trust herself enough to do anything and also the one who is desperately trying to have another baby but nothing happens so she deepens herself in a dangerous depression forgetting about what is right there in front of her.
All these women show us perfection on Instagram and Facebook. Their blogs are full of love towards their life, the food they make for their children is always organic, homemade and looking so attractive; their outfits are so beautiful, they post millions of pictures with smiles and sunshine and I swear they look like they have all the time in the world for pampering themselves as well.
Now, let me tell you something. There is no PERFECT MOTHER. We all fail. We all struggle and we all cut corners when we can because we desperately want to drink that coffee before it gets cold, we all give our children the dummy from time to time because we are losing the plot with so much crying; we all feed them sugary treats and snacks when they refuse proper food because let’s face it we all wonder how on Earth are these kids surviving on such little food; we all clean their snot with our sleeves because sometimes we just can’t be bothered fishing for the wipes in a bottomless bag. We take out kids to the park so we can just swing them and be able to catch up on emails and texts.
We don’t have it all figured out and we never will. We will drive to work with puffy eyes and a ton of coffee in our system praying to get through the day. We will put some makeup on and take thousands of selfies until we can chose a decent one and post it with the #ilovemylife while setting the alarm for 6pm to actually remember to buy milk and wine so we can survive.
We all have insecurities and we all mask them under a smile because we are mothers and we don’t know what not being tired means anymore. Let it all out and show those Perfect Susans out there that IT’S OK NOT TO BE A PERFECT MOTHER