Lately I have been trying to get myself as busy as possible. I created a Facebook page for book reviews (both for kids and adults), I created a parenting support group as well (doesn’t go very well so I must be doing something wrong here), I am writing as much as I can, still working part time, trying to get fitter and raising a toddler on top of it all. Oh, and I do read every day. I try to as little as possible so my brain won’t stop working. Doesn’t seem much but it is.
I wish I had more time every day for all the things I want to do. I wish I had more energy for all the things I want to do but I guess that’s about all I get in this life time.
My daughter takes up most of my time and yes, it’s exhausting, it’s demanding and frustrating. She is not potty trained yet so every day I am fishing for signs that she is ready. She is not speaking yet so every day I make efforts in teaching her basic words (and she learns peas, fish and Peppa- the last one being my name at the moment). She has no boundaries so I am as well trying to teach her basic rules of behaviour in society. I  am trying to show her that it’s not ok to eat soil from mummy’s plants, it’s not ok to throw yourself on the ground just because I gave you a full banana instead of a sliced one, it’s not ok to spread food all over mummy’s beige carpet just because you are not hungry anymore.

I learned that there is more to life than money and career

Motherhood is exhausting and sometimes I feel like I fail at it miserably although there are moments when I feel proud and my heart grows so much with all the love I feel.
If someone would have told me that I would one day prefer to stay home and raise a child rather than working I would have laughed and laughed until I would have choked.
I always worked full time and more. I was a workaholic. One who wanted kids but had no idea what it actually involves. Even when I was pregnant I was saying I’ll be back to work on full time basis as I won’t be able to stay home. Little did I know back then. As soon as my daughter was born I changed my mind and I asked if I can just stay home forever and take care of her.
Throughout this journey called motherhood I learned that there is more to life than money and a career. Obviously I am not where I imagined myself I would be at this age but I am not blaming it on my pregnancy. I am at a crossroad now and keep thinking I should head one direction or another.

Can I afford to just jump over this bridge and have faith in myself?

I wish I could afford to just stay home and find the inspiration to finish my book and publish it. This is what I actually want with my life. Can I afford to do it? Can I afford to just jump over this bridge and have faith in myself? Have faith that I will actually make it. I am not sure yet. I have no idea towards what I am heading but I have to trust it will take me on the right direction.
I am so far off from what I actually wanted to write about I got no clue how to turn this around. I might as well just do it. There’s no other way.
Swiping through so many quotes and pictures related to motherhood I noticed two things that are present at all times: coffee and wine. Do they really go that well together with motherhood? Is that what motherhood is all about? Going through the day and wishing for bedtime while drinking coffee until it’s time to have wine?

This way we have our me time together every morning

I’ve always been a coffee lover and always will be. To be honest this is how I wake up: make my coffee while I warm up my daughters milk. This way we have our me time together every morning. She is enjoying milk and watching Duggee while I have coffee and read the news. We are the perfect team here.
Later on in the day I might have a refill but all depending on how grumpy or annoying my toddler gets.

I see it as my little reward at the end of a crazy day

Now, wine time. Ok. I have to admit that i was a massive wine lover before I got pregnant. Then I stopped until I gave up on breastfeeding. I got back into wine and I thought motherhood requires coffee and wine. As time passed and my little one turned from baby to toddler I realised wine doesn’t go with me anymore. It made me sleepy and we all know as a mother you do all you can not to be sleepy. I upgraded to a glass of JD and coke or lemonade once in a while. I realised I actually love it. I see it as my little reward at the end of a crazy day. I mean all the teaching and educating is exhausting and all mums should enjoy a little treat no matter what that might be for them. Plus, that moment when the house is empty and you watch the little monster sleeping soundly in their bed like they are the cutest and best kids anyone seen. OMG. You deserve a medal for that.
So now, I can’t stop wondering: are coffee and alcohol going hand in hand with motherhood? Do they actually help us? Do they help you? Any of them?
If I was to choose between them I would go for coffee. I mean I had my first sip at about 14 and soon it became a habit. No, I never wake up without having my coffee. I have my special mug and my special type of coffee and every morning is a ritual. It changed slightly during the years but the mains are there. I changed about four mugs from different reasons. There was a time when I was smoking and I thought there is nothing better than a coffee and a cigarette in the morning. Then I stopped and I realised coffee tastes better without the nicotine. When I got pregnant I had to give up on coffee because of the risks and I can say that was the hardest thing I done. I had four small coffees all through my pregnancy and the day I was able to start drinking it on daily basis I done it without stopping.
So basically, in my case coffee and life go together. Alcohol occasionally as a treat goes hand in hand with whatever the occasion.

Motherhood goes hand in hand with patience, love, patience and more patience and comes with so many rewards. It goes hand in hand with tantrums, frustrations and tears but also joy, pride and love.

But I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t admit that coffee helps and sometimes alcohol (moderate consumption).