Two years?! Really? You for real? It feels like yesterday I was bouncing on a ball trying to make my baby come out. I still remember my damn sciatica, the nights when I was waking up to have an ice lolly and of course, my endless conversations with my bump. I was asking Ruby to come out on that Friday (15th of April) so she won’t share a birthday with her cousin. Funny thing is she did. She listened to me and she was born on April 15th 2016, sharing her special day with my brother who told me that this was his best present ever.

Time flies and to be honest we don’t even realise it. Just recently it hit me and it hit me hard. I was looking for some new clothes for the little one and I realized I have to pass the baby section. My little one is not that little anymore. She is a full on toddler. She is turning into that little grown up who is happy to help me with daily chores, hoovering or wiping the tables and bringing my shoes so we go out.  She is also that fussy little girl who wants to go park and we get ready so she can decide that she just wants to take a nap instead of going on; that little girl who wants a full banana today and tomorrow she will cry her eyes out because I didn’t cut it. Apparently she never liked an uncut banana (saigh).

Two years of motherhood had passed already and I am still staring at her not believing that she is mine. She changed me forever and I am so grateful for it. I never knew what love truly is until I held her for the first time and felt her gaze upon me. That was the best day of my life and I will forever remember it and it will forever make me cry. After such a long labour I was exhausted but not enough so I won’t be able to enjoy her. I forgot all about pain and contractions and I stared at her while she was feeding, while she was asleep or awake. I just stared and stared not realising how sleep deprived I was or how tired birth made me. I kept on thinking: I made this! She was inside me not long ago and now she is a tiny little human. Wow. Two years have passed since and I am still amazed by what we can achieve.

GO WITH THE FLOW AND HOPE FOR THE BEST

I did learn so many things. Two years of motherhood can teach you an infinite lesson and parenting fails are not just a # on social media. They are full on lessons to be learned. They put us down and they give us strength to get up and progress. No mother or father was born with the ability of raising a newborn into a toddler, school boy/girl, teenager and later on a full on adult. If that person was born I swear that he/she will rule the world. But there is no person like this so we follow others hoping their recipe for success applies to us as well. We ask for advice so we get more and more confused. We stare at our babies and take a deep breath. Go with the flow and hope for the best.

Don’t rely on anyone

That tiny human you are holding is trusting her/his life to you so you better buckle up and do your best. It’s a hard job but we have to do it. We can do it. We only need to trust our instincts and learn what works in our case. Don’t rely on mums, dads, aunties and uncles, baby sitters and relatives. Nobody knows your child better than you do and to be honest I do prefer raising my child without any outside help. I am the one who created her so it’s my forever job to keep her alive, teach her all I know, transform her into a better person than I am. If I fuck up, it’s my fault and there is nobody out there I can blame but myself.

Two years of motherhood made me understand that life is so much more than I thought. I learned so many things about myself as well as about parenting.

1. I can go on for a very long time with only two hours sleep and no shower
2. Coffee is the engine of life when you went on for a very long time with only two hours sleep
3. Baby wipes are a lifesaver. They clean everything so damn well it’s unbelievable.
4. Don’t make plans to go out. Ever. Your child has a sensor for that and they will decide on getting sick, teething, not sleeping or just be complete suckers cause they do not want you out of their sight
5. Your house will always be a mess because that’s how babies roll. You clean now and the second you turned your back on them a hurricane just passed your living room and you are left thinking you got some serious memory issues. You can swear you just cleaned that side of the house only a minute ago (deep sigh, roll eyes and move on)
6. All those perfect #mumlife moments on Instagram are fake or well prepared. A picture like that requires a million other fails and a nervous breakdown (tried it, failed it, moved on accepting my failure)
7.  Your child will need you 24/7 from the moment they are out of your womb. They will suck the life out of you and you will learn that “For f… sake” is a mantra that helps you breath so you won’t die
8. After number 7, you definitely learn that a cute smile from that little human makes it all go away
9. A trip to the grocery store is considered an adventure and requires long preparation. When you finally go out you are already exhausted, forgot half of your shopping list (write it down so you won’t come back with a washing machine instead of veggies and milk) and your child will need to be changed.
10. Alcohol is allowed any time of the day without questions asked
11. Your clothes will always have stains of some sort and if you need to go somewhere, get ready to buy a new outfit. It’s the only way not to go out reminiscing about the vomit stain or asking yourself if that is poop or chocolate on your trousers.
12. Nap time is considered your me time but will never actually be what it’s supposed to be because you do not have a self cleaning house (how would that be?)
13. Your laundry basket will never be empty again for more than five minutes. Get used to it.

Two years of motherhood taught me so much more than this. I learned that love is unconditional when is real, that you never stop worrying, you function so well on giggles and cuddles, that my novels were replaced with parenting books and good night stories and my taste in music went from 80’s to Old McDonald and Row row row your boat. But above all these I learned that the rewards are absolutely incredible. The love that you get back is something that cannot be described in words.

Happy Birthday my sweet jelly bean