Needless to say that when I got pregnant I started joining those millions of mummy groups out there looking for different opinions on raising a child. From C-section vs natural birth, breastfeeding vs formula (the way I call it – boob vs scoop), BLW vs soft weaning, dummy vs no dummy, sling vs no sling I was looking for all info I could get.
I have to say I was more confused than before joining
I had no idea what to expect when giving birth; I had no idea how to dress a newborn, bathe a newborn or anything else baby related actually. The only thing I knew was that I was expecting a little girl and I was so ready to welcome her into the world. I knew I was ready mentally to be a mother and everyone told me it all comes naturally. But – there is always a but in there – what if it didn’t quite come to me from the moment I had my baby? What if something happens when I try to give her a bath? What if I won’t be able to breastfeed? Will my baby be as healthy being fed with formula? Will I be able to hear my baby cry in the middle of the night? I was hoping that those thousands of mums out there will be able to enlighten me regarding motherhood. After all, they were at least one step ahead of me having one or more children already. I tried not to ask stupid questions and get myself informed regarding one subject or another by reading the NHS website and all other pertinent and specialised websites. Well, I can only say that every time I tried to get advice I hit a brick wall. I can understand that no child is the same and there are no magical parenting advices there but the mummy clan who was always present on all those groups got me more confused than I was before joining. Not because they had different opinions on subjects but because they jumped at each other’s throats like lions in the jungle. The hate, mean and judgemental was there. So obvious, so in my face that I realised I don’t need any of them all out there.
Wish I could help as many scared mums as possible
I decided to get away and find help on my own. Four months after my baby girl was born I started this blog so I can fight my depression and loneliness that came with the territory. I started writing so I can keep my sanity. It’s not one of those blogs that brings fame and fortune but a real one where my feelings are expressed as honest as possible. I had postnatal depression and I rescued myself without talking to anyone. I was just writing and dealing with it. I tried as much as I could to just enjoy a good coffee, a walk in the park and the giggles and smiles I received from my little one instead of letting myself defeated by tears and frustration. Later on I did get to the stage when I had very bad anxiety and panic attacks coming and going as they pleased. And I wrote about it as well (anxiety and postnatal depression – when do you ask for help?). I wrote about it and it helped me cope with it. I can say that I feel so much better than when I wrote that post and my anxiety levels are so low right now.
Motherhood is a terrifying thing and we all try to be the best at it. Unfortunately we also think that we are entitled to judging others for not being able to do the right thing (get over yourselves – there is no right or wrong here). I wish I could help as many scared mums as possible. Why? Because I was scared so many times and instead of “you doing a good job” I got the unexpected “you shouldn’t have done that. trust me, I know better”. We all know how precious that good word is and how much it helps.
I created my own group
I got out of all mummy groups I recently I decided on creating my own. It’s a facebook group called: Baby butterflies and coffee and it’s meant to be a support group for both mums and dads, full of helpful articles, funny parenting moments, real blog posts from parents out there, positive vibes and smiles.
I decided on creating this group so I can help all those scared parents out there. I am no specialist as we all know but at least I have what it takes to be out there and get as much info as possible, advice and a good word.
It’s a small group but hopefully it will grow and become what I hope it will.