The time has come. Don’t know how, don’t know when but almost six month flew so quick I cannot believe it. From the moment I peed on that stick and I got two beautiful lines smiling at me, telling me I am pregnant, I started reading millions of articles and watching millions of videos related to pregnancy. What happens in the first, second, third week and so on until I got to 39; how the baby forms week by week, what am I supposed to feel, how am I supposed to feel, what to do if and anything you can imagine. Than came the baby and I started everything all over again. I even watched on YouTube a video showing me how to dress and bathe a newborn. I watched and read every single piece of information there is about babies. The only thing that didn’t cross my mind was the weaning process. I knew that this day will come but it just felt so far away that somehow I always felt I got time. Now I have no time left and I am scared. I am scared of the fact that I have no idea what to do, when to start and how to start. The thing is I can’t even get myself to get out there and read about it and my little bundle of joy is so fussy you would go mental.

She hates water. End of. Tried, force fed and so on. Nope. No chance.

I tried some baby drink that it’s supposed to help with her digestive system as she had  tummy problems since she was tiny. She liked it for a while (miracle) and than she didn’t. Now we tried fennel tea. She had a sip. As it wasn’t milk she felt the need to proper spit it out. Who cares I just gave her a clean set of clothes. She even had the nerve to smile at me after all this. What can I say? The child has personality. Soon she will just show me the finger so she can keep my mouth shut (I am praying we won’t get here and she will learn to behave).

So yes, I am looking forward to starting the weaning process. I can already picture myself pulling my hair out, drinking heavily (coffee until the proper time to have wine), cursing my life and becoming a zombie (the process started when I got pregnant and my nights became the perfect time for socialising with the fridge).

My mum was telling me that I should have started a long time ago with a bit of carrot juice and so on. Hmmm….oh well, babies are raised completely different now than about 27 years ago when she had my baby brother (wow…baby brother becoming a daddy in January). When I told my GP I am giving tea to Ruby she looked at me like I am some sort of weird species coming from another planet (mind you…how smart can she be if she asked if I am giving my baby the regular tea. ENGLISH TEA full of caffeine to a 7 week old baby???? What is wrong with you woman????). I didn’t trust her much to be honest so I just smiled at her and thought how on earth did she get her qualification. But never mind that. I think we, as mums, are confronted with all sorts of nonsense from different types of people, may they be even GP or midwife (don’t want to insult any GP or midwife as I met some very competent ones as well and my midwife was absolutely brilliant).

So, now, back to problem. How am I suppose to start weaning? Shall I just get the ready meals for babies, the porridge and whatever else is out there? Or shall I start making them myself (mind you I am such a bad cook). I noticed that lately she stares at me every time I eat or drink. Today she was so fascinated with my Starbucks coffee wanting to touch the cup and taste it. Earlier I had some crisps and she stopped bouncing (yes, she did – this almost never happens). She was drooling while looking at me with those puppy eyes like begging me to let her have some. What will be the first thing to give her? I am freaking out and for the first time since I had my baby I feel like I have no control whatsoever. I mean there were moments when I was ready to jump out the window, when I panicked and when I screamed or cried but somehow in the back of mind there was always that tiny voice whispering “you got this. just breath”. Where the hell is that voice now?

I lost it and I need help finding it. I need help soon as I have to start in a week or so. Damn this time flying with light speed God knows where. Soon it’s Christmas and she will crawl and I will be going back to work. OH NO!!!! I AM BEGGING YOU TIME, JUST STAY STILL FOR A WHILE. I need to get myself together and prepare for what’s coming.

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