I have no clue what I’m doing with my baby most of the times. It is confusing and what works for her today is a total failure tomorrow. I keep reading and reading all websites and magazines and looking for the right information about sleeping patterns, what baby should and shouldn’t do at this stage in her life. Sometimes I get scared thinking she is behind and sometimes I look at her and I feel so proud. Wow. She is already doing this and she is supposed to be doing it later. I wrap my head around it and than I remember this is just a simple and not accurate thing. Not all babies are the same so they grow and develop differently. I have to remember this every time I stumble upon an article.
Since I got pregnant I started to read books about what to do and not do when you have a baby. Taking a step back and staring at my mummy life I realise I do so many things wrong. Starting with the rocking chair and ending with the bouncer she loves so much.
If you check every book in the history of baby books it is said that it’s good to establish a routine with your little one before bed time. This way they know it is sleepy time and not play time and magically they will learn to sleep through the night. So we have our own things. Every evening at 6.30 we have a bath, massage time after, put pj’s on and have dinner/milk while mummy sings twinkle twinkle little star (more like what I remember as I never knew all lyrics). All good so far. I pull the curtains and lower the TV volume and this way I can say she knows it’s night night time. Now, where do I go wrong? You might say “nothing wrong. Lovely mummy and baby routine. Good bonding time as well”. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. In the eyes of experts all this routine should take no more than half hour as otherwise baby gets overtired. Only bath, massage and pj’s all together take 30 minutes and more. So am I supposed  to fast forward all activities or cut some out? I am confused. Am I too slow?
I am told to let my baby fall asleep by herself. Ok. She does that sometimes but mostly during the day. In the evening she has her milk and I would say ninety percent of the times she falls asleep in my arms. I lift her and hold her for a while so she can take out the extra air. We rock back and forth slowly slowly sometimes as I find it soothing. I kiss her forehead and sing until I feel her breath lighter and lighter. Only than I put her in her bed and let her sleep as much as she wants. So experts will say I am doing it backwards and I am not suppose to rock my baby to sleep or let her sleep in my arms. WRONG again.  Sometimes towards early morning I take her with me in bed being too tired to go back and forth from our bed to hers. I take her with me so I can get couple of hours of sleep. This way I can function during the day like a normal person (whatever normal may be).
She has moments when she cries a lot and the only way I can make her stop is by holding her, or being right next to her (she holds my hand so she makes sure I am not letting her by herself). Everyone says we should let our babies cry a bit. Really?

I can’t let my baby cry. I really can’t do it. I feel heartless if I do that.

I mean it’s obvious she has a problem so instead of letting her cry her eyes out I just go and stay with her trying to figure out what the issue is.
It feels like according to all baby know it all people I am failing miserably at this job.

Everything is done as I think best but my best is not everybody’s best. Than again, I look at my baby and she smiles at me all happy, she is growing and developing normally, she eats and sleeps and laughs like all other babies do so I must be doing something good.
Maybe we don’t always follow books and doctors and TV advice, maybe we don’t do it at all but who cares. Who knows your baby better than you? NOBODY. Exactly. You as a mother are the only one who knows what your baby wants and needs at all times so no doctor or specialist in the world can tell you otherwise. You feel all your baby feels. You know when they are sick, when they are hungry, thirsty, when they need to be changed or something is wrong with them as well as when they are all rainbows and butterflies. I said it before and I will again. I gave up on comparing my baby with any other baby or measuring chart. She is she and there is nobody like her in this world. She grows whenever she is growing, she eats when she is hungry and not at a certain time established by some rule, she does a poo whenever she does it and not every day or every five days. She is my child and she is unique.

So I let her be whatever she wants to be in this world. As long as she is healthy I am thankful for everything I have and I will pray not to ask for more but to thank God for what he gave me

SONG OF THE DAY: mummy likes her music