I could write so many things here but I kept thinking about that one thing that I could never forget. The thing is I don’t want to turn a post into an argument and I definitely don’t plan on writing a negative story. So, considering the times we presently live in, I decided to write the one motivational thing someone said about me and it stuck in my head.
YOU ARE SO STRONG
A few years ago I met someone randomly while out with my then baby now full on toddler. I was having a coffee and the little moppets started giggling at each other. Obviously, as new mothers, it’s all so amazing and you smile thinking just what incredible children you have and how sociable they are because you raised them in such a positive environment and all that nonsense.
Long story short, we got pretty close and started attending the same baby yoga classes and having coffees , sharing baby stories on daily basis and giving advice to one another in regards with any child related struggles we had at the time. It felt pretty good, specially as I had no friends or closed ones around. The little one was attached to me 24/7 and I started to feel the effect of motherhood.
One day we were talking about random things and she looked at me and she said: “YOU ARE SO STRONG! I REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT”. I stared at her and the only thing that came out of my mouth was something on the lines of: “You don’t know how I do what?” I mean, I never thought of myself as strong and I never for a second thought that I was doing all I was doing. Everything was normality for me and I embraced it all without contesting any aspects of it. She told me that she is inspired by me because I can do it all on my own. Because there is no mum and dad who can pick up my baby and give me free time; because I don’t drive and the hustle of buses and trains with a pram is just nightmare and she couldn’t cope; because I knew the teat from the baby bottles have numbers and they actually mean something; because I go with the flow and always look like I have it all together; because I have time to workout; because I walk for twenty minutes in the morning to drop off my child to nursery and then I walk another fifteen to catch a train and go to work so I can stand for eight hours and listen to people complain of this and that and I tell it all like it’s nothing; and she looks up to me because she could never be bothered to get down on the floor and read and sing and play with the little one not thinking just how tired I am.
I listened to her very confused. I was doing all she said I was doing and a bit more on top but that didn’t mean I was strong. Clearly not. It was my life and I was happy I had it all. Well, I didn’t have my own house but we were all healthy, we had a job and a beautiful baby girl that was planned and just a picture of joy. That is not the definition of strong. At least not in my book. I was definitely moved as anyone can be when called an inspiration to others but I couldn’t see myself as strong and I told her all that. She just replied: “you are so strong and too bad you don’t see it! I wish I could be you!” Yeah, right! Who wants to be me and why?
Time has passed and distance drifted us apart but I never forgot that day and her words. I thought of what she said and one day I was put in front of a tragic situation and I was shocked by how I reacted. I was almost gone from this world and I couldn’t have been more rational and calmer. I got myself into A&E and waited patiently until a doctor noticed me and told off every staff present as I could have been dead pretty soon. When all passed, I came back home and put on a happy face for my child, we played and we sang and we read all the books we could although my heart was torn apart and I was crying inside. I was shattered and I felt alone although I wasn’t. I felt useless, powerless and I cried myself to sleep for so many nights I don’t even remember and I dealt with it in my own way. There are still just probably five people all together knowing about that horrible time of my life and there won’t be others to know but in spite of what had happened, years after, I remembered what that woman said to me and now, only now I believe her.
I am so strong and sometimes I really got no clue how I do it but I do because I love my life and I love myself now and I have the best reason in the world to be strong for: my daughter! I could move mountains for her! And I am sure every single person out there is strong in their own way and they are an inspiration to someone else.
So, when someone tells you something good and uplifting about yourself …. don’t doubt it and don’t try no put a negative aspect around it! Take the compliment and feel good about yourself! You all deserve it
PS: STAY TUNED FOR TOMORROW’S POST