Yesterday morning I woke up with a bit of uncertainty thinking what am I going to do, bearing in mind my daughter is home as school is closed and on regular basis I am working on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I was assured by my managers that I will be getting paid even if I won’t be in due to my situation. However, I was a bit anxious and that is because I was ready to go to work. My body is functioning on routine and for the past over three years, it knows when to get ready for work mode and come out of mummy mode. The uncertainty made me lose control a bit and I have to say I didn’t like it.

In the afternoon I decided to take my child outside for a bit of fresh air. When I say outside I am actually referring to the bit of green across the road from my building. It has enough space to distance oneself from another and even enough so she can ride her bicycle.

@alinabarac entertaining my toddler during this hard times

All UK residents know just how precious a sunny day is and how desperate we all are to get rid of winter coats and just throw a denim jacket or sweatshirt on, walk in the park, have a drink in the beer garden or just sit on a bench while taking in all the vitamin D that we can. Maybe that was the reason everyone ignored Government’s advice and went out, irresponsibly thinking: “I am OK. Nothing can happen to me!”

I know it’s hard to process the gravity of it all and maybe see the forest from the trees. Let’s be as clear as possible: the situation is GLOBAL!!!! It is a PANDEMIC!!!!

Thousands of people are already dead and most probably many more will follow. It is damn scary and am sure that none of us thought of the probability of something like this taking place in our day and age. But it is happening and we are in the middle of it. It hit me while looking at my child playing outside, talking happily with the ants and gathering sticks and acorns so she can fill up her basket and pockets. She is so oblivious to all this and in order for her to grow up safely, I have to make sure she is protected, I have to make sure she is well taken care of and for this, I have to protect myself. If protecting myself means to isolate, then, by all means I will isolate. I am responsible for her and for the one next to me and you as well are responsible.

British people are a bit arrogant ignoring all advice. Maybe they still think they are invincible or maybe just lack the capacity of processing all this information at once, way too busy to curse Europeans and Brexit. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to offend anyone and I do love this country with all my heart but PLEASE, WAKE UP and smell the danger.

I was relieved that Boris finally said we should close all businesses non essential. Not because that meant I am not going into work but because for me, that was the right thing to do – maybe a bit late but better late than never even under the circumstances. I woke up today not depressed, not sad or looking for attention on social media (I have seen so many posts I feel nausea raising) but as normal. Opened my eyes, heard my daughter calling me to confirm it’s morning and she can wake up. We cuddled and I had coffee while she asked me millions of questions in regards to the sun making the weather warm, the Lego pieces she is missing from some random set, the TV program she wants to watch, why the playground is closed and so on until I managed to make her breakfast and it all started again after she finished eating.

I tidied up as usual, washed some clothes, read a bit, Watsapped my mum and my brother, had a video call with my friend, opened my windows wide to let the sun in for a bit and that’t about it. I felt a bit annoyed as I craved some sun for so long and can’t enjoy it fully but, hey, come to think about it, today is Tuesday so on regular basis I would be at work and therefor not enjoying good weather anyways.

One good thing I did is staying away from Facebook. That platform is one depressing site to look at. Scroll up and down and get more whinging than a regular toddler.

“OMG I have to stay in the house! OMG my life is ruined because I can’t attend my gym! People stressed out of their minds after what was supposed to be about a week of social distancing”. Parents crying because they got no clue how to entertain their children and so on. “Can’t cope with this”. I can only say: READ A BOOK; WORKOUT FROM HOME, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR AND PLAY WITH YOUR CHILD, SING AND READ TO THEM, CUDDLE THEM AND ENJOY THE EXTRA TIME WITH THEM (I know sometimes they are little assholes. Don’t forget I got one on my hands and I am well aware of how hard it is), BINGE WATCH NETFLIX or DISNEY PLUS (thank God it’s out), FIND A HOBBY or just enjoy the time you spend with yourself. I dare say just get to know yourself better and love yourself more.

Listening to Boris Johnson last night gave me the impression that he was talking to children. Some sort of: I will not say lockdown but know you are being punished and if you continue to be naughty there will be further consequences. Just understand that this is serious, stay indoors for a while and get over it. You want to risk your life for the sake of meeting your mates down the pub? One infected person can get other three sick and multiply that. Do the math and just look at that number in a matter of days. It is insane. It spreads quick and we really don’t want to kill the doctors and nurses working around the clock to keep this country safe. Think of them and their families. How exposed they are, how vulnerable. Can you let ego aside, stop being selfish and think of the one next to you?

It is Wednesday already and I started writing this post one day ago. Yesterday, an old lady smiled and at me and my daughter proudly stating she is going to post a birthday card. WTF!!! She was probably in her seventies and trust me, she had quite a long walk to the post office. WHY????? She was supposed to be protecting herself, she was supposed to be indoors.

You people are mental! Stay home! Stay safe!


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