Definition of JUDGY: tending to judge others harshly or critically
Now, let’s take this word and think at it carefully. It’s not only judging but doing it in a harshly and critically way. So, basically you are not just mean. You are shitty mean or just evil.
I first heard of the word judgy in Sex and the City cause I am born in the 80’s and I used to watch the shit out of it and dream of being Carrie Bradshaw (only taller and with more wine than cocktails). As a woman, by definition, I am a judgmental person but let me tell you something. Nothing compares to being a mother. I mean, from the first moment you popped that child out of your v-jay jay things go on the judgy, judge judge path with light speed. You know better than anyone else (obviously about your child) and that spirit of possession develops like never before. That child is yours and only yours. You need to protect him/her with all cost and instinct plays a big part in all this. But what happens when you meet the herd, the other mothers, the ones who need to protect their cubs with no cost?
That is when all goes down the hill and it’s the battle of the strongest. We all judge, we all look to find signs of weakness, we all feel the need to be better than the other. Natural or C section? Epidural or no pain relief? Breast fed or formula? Dummy or no dummy? You exercise to get back into shape or just give into motherhood and don’t care? Back on caffeine? Co sleep or not? And God only know how many other judgy reasons are there.
Back to work? Stay at home? Two under two or just wait? Why just one? You really want to settle? (my wine just finisher. need a top up)
When to start weaning, what with, how and also … BLW or not? Oh, wait, I forgot about sling or no sling, about clothing (eco whatever or any) …
I am rambling but you got the idea. We JUDGE about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Must be in our nature. I thought I would just mind my own life and my own child, raise my daughter the way I want to and just get on with things. But I was wrong. So many times I felt judged in so many ways that made me doubt every move I made for a long time.
As my little one is turning four this year, I tend not to care much about the looks I get or what others care. I have around me a village of amazing mums who don’t care about any of this crap and help me get my confidence back without knowing. But you see, I judge as well. I don’t want to. But I do
I judge the women shouting at their children in the middle of the road although God knows I have done it couple of times when I literally lost it and had no idea how to calm down my toddle. I judged other mums for not being able to control their children when I know I went through some of these moments (maybe after I judged but it don’t matter). I always dreamed of being the perfect mum, the one who grows to be her child’s best friend, the cool mum you can tell everything, the mum who is friends with your friends and the one you come to if you need advice. That’s not always the best though, is it? I want my daughter to respect me first and we can talk about the other aspect later.
The judgy part came to surface and, unfortunately, never left me. I protect my friends and my daughter but I still give looks to the pregnant woman having a cider or sea food because she feels like it. I still judge the ones who have too many children (maybe because I only could have one), I still judge the mums who scream and shout and the ones who seem oblivious to their child’s cries. I judge the ones who hit their children not even once thinking of the damage they are doing and I judge the mums abandoning their little ones from no matter reason. I am judgy with these ones and salute the others. Maybe is not fair and maybe is just a ladies thing to be like this. Sometimes I hate myself for not being able to just see my own yard and sometimes I just feel better for being the one giving the looks and not receiving them.
As a woman I judge as well but maybe in a different way. I judge certain clothes or I judge decisions that are poor and obvious. I judge being mean and I judge being unfair. I judge a woman who doesn’t care and who doesn’t seem to have feelings but in the same time, who am I to say these things? Who am I to say they don’t care or they are not fair?
I just judge and I am being judged because it’s the way life is. I don’t want to but I still do it