Intense work day yesterday with lots of unknown equations and stress induced news. I do well under pressure but not when it’s a me situation, one I cannot control or solve. I am good with taking care of people in stressing environment, I am good calming my child in moments of emergency but, for the life of me … I cannot cope with small things that influence my own existence in a way or another.

Doesn’t make sense but it is reality. It feels like I can’t manage my life, I lose my marbles, my brain spins and overthinks every little detail and my heart rate goes sky high like I am running a bloody marathon (never ran one but I can just picture my HR)

I couldn’t sleep properly last night, tossing and turning and imagining all sorts of bad outcomes of what went on yesterday. Obviously, can’t solve any legal issues at night time but my mind did not care about that. I did not patiently wait for someone to email me back with some answers. NO. I had to spin it and turn it around on all sides … WHY NOT?! That’s what a normal person does. OR NOT?

I woke up buzzing with stress and on edge so I decided that the best thing to do is go out for a run and clear my head. I went on a slightly different route so I can notice the beauty of nature and not calculate how many k I would do by the time I am close to home. It was a glorious morning with so much sunshine and it did cheer me up a bit and made me burn about 800 calories down the canal route. I lost track of my thoughts and just embraced the crisp fresh air.

As I am heading back home on my cool down walk, I got an email from work with a few details that mad me understand the process a bit better. Fingers crossed they were right and it will all solve itself out in a couple of day. All I need to do now is just sit and wait (definitely not one of my favourite activities in the world) . At least it should all be remedied by Monday and now, I am aware that something is getting done along the way

I’ve set myself for a mad Thursday and realised how much I can eliminate out of all things I was meant to do. Yes, I did school drop off, went for a 9k run and now I am just sipping a coffee and trying to rest my poor legs. I managed to finish an application for a job and put some laundry on and that will probably be the day. There is no parents evening tonight but next Thursday (my bad … mixed up the days) . I just need to take little one swimming after school and the day will be done. So …. there I was spinning and going into overdrive, trying to sort out my entire life and employment when I could have just sat down, breathed in and out for ten, waiting for the right answers and re plan it all

Nevermind that. What’s done is done. Off I go to sort out house stuff before time creeps out on me and gets me out the house again. Not sure how it’s midday already but yeah …. time flies ….