Oh, there have been plenty of ups and downs this past month. For starters let’s mention the uplifting and beautiful moments. My daughter turned four and in spite of the lockdown she managed to have a wonderful family Birthday party as her friends sent presents by post and she unwrapped all beautiful gifts and was so happy. It melted my heart to see the joy in her eyes when she took a look at her Unicorn cake (Sainsbury finest but she loved it) and her writing tablet, her beautiful arts and crafts and camera and the massive box of colors and chalk and bunnies for her Sylvanian family house.
Unlike most people, I have to say that on this occasion my anxiety level went down and that is such a win for myself and the ones next to me. I became calmer and more peaceful without actually doing anything concrete about it. Maybe eliminating some of the work stress and all the pressure of doing so many things in the same time were exactly what any doctor would prescribe.
I took up running – i am working out from home on regular basis and try to stay active but I always considered myself the worst runner out there as I can’t even be bothered to speed my pace to catch the train. Somehow it felt so liberating when I started again and probably the fact that I was doing lots of cardio proved me that I am not as bad as I thought
Another positive aspect of this month is that lockdown helped me spend so much more quality time with my family, giving my little one all my time and attention without getting distracted by things around.
This daily challenge is another positive aspect of the past thirty days. It has been such a joy to connect with other people and get to know them better. It also helped me “talk” openly about aspects of my life that need healing and care. It gave me strength and brought so much progress
Also, I have more time to read all those books I piled up on my TBR list and never got to touch. Maybe this way I can actually get to beat my Goodreads annual challenge of thirty books.
Although I did mention my anxiety levels went down, that doesn’t mean that I haven’t experienced any mood swings and bad thoughts. I went through some bad moments and certain painful memories came back to haunt me. This virus made my mind spiral and go to some dark places, imagining the world going down and some movie scenes I shouldn’t imagine.
I felt like escaping not being able to go out for a normal walk, have a coffee outside and enjoy the company of my friends is definitely one of the low aspects of the past month. I had days when I couldn’t find my place around the house and all I wanted was to run and escape. Go to a supermarket and wonder around the isles without being stressed of death and illness. I wanted to find oil and pasta and eggs and flower and cleaning products on the shelves and not worry about any of it.
There have been quite few low aspects. Getting all my deliveries late – two weeks and more delay – got me a bit crazy as well. I am still waiting for items I have ordered at the beginning of the month. I am upset as I can’t do my hair and all the gray part I have been trying to hide for so long is just there in plain site – not to mention I do have about three/four colors in my hair. Did I mention I miss my amazing Indian lady who does my eyebrows and waxing. She is always such an inspiration and has such words of wisdom to share every time I see her.
I can only hope MAY will bring me more ups than downs.