I learned lots of lessons in my life and most were accumulated the hard way. I am not sure which one shall I write about. In spite of the lock down, I have been in such a good place in my life that I don’t want to ruin it by writing negative posts and going places long forgotten.

In the spirit of positivity I will try and paint it all pink with a dash of blue. You have to understand that I don’t want to ruin my mood. I actually made it for a run today so I am energized and filled with joy. Set my alarm for 6:30 and woke up at 5:45 am and for the first time in the past nine years I did go for a run and I realised that it’s not as bad as I remembered. Being alone outside at 6 in the morning gave me strength and a sense of good that determined me to make this exercise a daily routine.

Getting back to our today’s post, I keep trying to find the inspiration to write. I learned many lessons but probably the most important ones would be those that reminded me that not everyone is a good and honest friend; also that the less you speak of yourself the better for everyone – don’t share your life with anyone. People judge and talk and tend to over react and influence you in the worst of ways. I also learned that “if you don’t have anything nice to say about something, better not to say anything” – words hurt and cut worse than a knife; they have the gift to heal but also the curse to hate and leave marks forever. They stay imprinted in your heart and jog your memory into a constant pain you can never hide or forget.

When you are at your lowest, people try to show you they are there for you without actually understanding what you are going through so they make the mistake of saying the exact words you don’t want and need to hear. It feels like being hit when you are down but having to forgive because “they meant well”. These people don’t care about you and never did. They just speak for the sake of speaking and just for show.

From this type of people I learned not to speak when I don’t have anything genuine to say and also that sharing your experience and feeling with the wrong “friends” only brings more frustration, pain and tears. Not everyone has the capacity to understand what you are going through and certain moments in everyone’s life are to be kept private. Out of so many acquaintances, maybe just one percent are actual friends, real ones who will be there for you in good and bad and will never try to make you feel better just for the sake of it. They will help you heal, give you time to process your pain and wait for you to talk and come back from the dark hole you needed to crawl into.

I have been through hell and back in a matter of hours and all I wanted was to be left alone. I was lonely and tired and sad but all I got was noise, people telling me The Universe knows how to arrange things best and I wasn’t supposed to become a mother, I was told that I could always adopt if I want a child so much (hours after I almost died and lost my baby); I was told that I have to move on and smile because that’s what people do. All I wanted to do was scream F… Y..! and all swear words I knew in all languages I speak. I wanted to hide under a rock and die. So I learned my lesson the hard way! DON’T SHARE YOUR PAIN! What you go through does not go under the “sharing is caring” category.

Another lesson I had to learn was that kindness is often mistaken for stupidity. People take your niceness for weakness and thus they will disrespect you because society showed us that being loud, arrogant and mean are signs of power and strength and for some, it all equals intelligence. We should be nice to our loved ones but I think we should keep this quality of ours for the ones who are truly worth of it. Don’t waste your goodness, your time and your heart on people who come in your life only to take what they need.

I know it’s harder to do than is to say because I have been through this so many times and every single disappointment brought me sorrow and made me say: “I’ll never make the same mistake again! Next time I will choose wiser and I will not trust people so easily!” but somehow I have done it again because in spite of it all, I believe in the benefit of the doubt and I believe in giving people chances. I don’t see anyone as mean, deceiving or unreliable. I meet someone and automatically assume that they are just like me: kind, trustworthy and loyal. I’ve been told I am as naive as I child and I don’t have the power to see how people really are and maybe it is true but I’ll never bloody change. No matter how many times I repeat it to myself, I am still gullible and I believe that every single person on this Planet has something good in them and I have the power to discover it – so silly

Another lesson I have learned in life is that WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THE THINGS WE GET EASILY – have you cared that much about toilet paper before the lock down? I thought so …. this proves my point. Things we get easily, we take for granted. We are wired to want the things we don’t have so when someone hands you something on a silver platter you will look at it and treat it with a disgusted expression on your face. That something is given to you for free, therefor is not valuable. Take the same object and put a price on it and then people will value it more. Another good example would be our health. We don’t exercise, we eat junk food and consume sugar on daily basis, keep accumulating fat and keep spending on weight loss programs that never work. WHY? Because we never take health seriously and that is from the same reason: it was given to us for free. We take it for granted refusing to take care of it. We spend thousands of pounds on cars and take care of them. Imagine what would have been the price of our body if we had to pay for it? And then imagine how well we would take care of it if we had paid a huge amount of money to get our body