How do you do it? How do you achieve it? How do you know when you deepen yourself in one thing, totally ignoring the rest?

We all strive to get that perfect balance between life/work. I, for one, never knew how to achieve it. I feel unbalanced at all times and not in the sense that I work too much or am home too much but in a different kind. I always noticed that if my personal life is going well and am happy, my work is just rubbish and the other way around. I am not sure if it’s a thing or just my twisted mind playing tricks on me, but it all sure feels so real.

My work has been ok and I kind of got around to my new role and I like it. I am calmer as well and learning how to be more organised. My life however, is going in all places and I really don’t know what to do anymore or how to behave. I am tired of arguments, I am tired of justifying every thinking and walk on tiptoes in my own home because I don’t have a clue how my other half is feeling in a moment on another. Now all is fine and the next minute is not. I am not selfish but I need my time. I don’t want my life to become a clean, shop, child circle. I want to still be able to be myself. I am rubbish at cooking and always ate to live and not the other way around (hence why my lack of imagination when it comes to food). I don’t want to be miserable, I don’t want to rage clean my house and become OCD over where every little thing is supposed to be. I have been there and it’s not fun at all

I want the balance but not sure how to get it.

And then, I read this:

The paradox of balance is that, the more we pursue it, the more things seem to fall apart. Our worries make us worry more. The word “balance” is both a noun and a verb. No wonder we struggle to find it! Balance is an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. When we see ‘balance’ as a noun, we believe it will bring stability to our lives. Balance is bringing things into harmony. It’s not something that you can get, but something that you continually do. Life is a game in which you are continually juggling many balls in the air.

The more we pursue it …. the more it falls apart – well, here is the story of my life. Maybe I should stop trying so hard and setting myself for failure. Maybe I should just check on the big picture, look at my own self a little bit more and just try to live without seeking approval and praise

But, how do I make the change? Where do I start? I am filled with rage at times and I feel like happiness is a myth. Life is a series of ups and downs and we all need to learn how to cope with both. You fall, you pick yourself up and move on. Learn from your mistakes and just stick a smile on your face. Maybe tell yourself you are strong, you can do this, YOU GOT IT! Just pat yourself on the back and move on … the thing is, we all do it. We all have our moments. But, what happens when it all gets too much to bare, when it all gets so exhausting that all you want to do is run away from it, scream from the top of your lungs and let the tears fall until there is nothing left to fall.

What happens then? What happens when you can’t actually run away and you are stuck in a vicious circle that never seems to end. What happens when you just had enough?