Before I had my daughter I was in a place and time in my life when I could have said yes to all the after work drink and weekend get together, movie premiers, Christmas parties and birthdays, clubs and restaurants.
I could have chosen to just binge watch Sex and the City or a cheese series for an entire weekend while having wine, crisps and lots f cheese, without being bothered about anyone or anything. I could go out and come back home at any hour I decided and I never lacked friends. I had friends I could have spoken with about anything in the world for days on end. I had friends that never said no to going out for drinks, friends who I spent peaceful times with and friends I seen so rarely but we always managed to pick up where we left off and feel like we only seen each other yesterday.
I am sure each and every one of you remembers those days like they happened a life time ago. In a far off time we can’t believe we have been a part of.
When I got pregnant I stopped going for drinks and frequenting places where I could have been around cigarette smoke. I swapped times out with friends in favor of days in bed accompanied by ice cream bowls and crime scene documentaries (I had a proper obsession with these shows while pregnant). Everyone was excited by the imminent arrival of my daughter and all my friends where fighting each other offering to baby sit, go out in the park and visiting on daily basis. It makes me smile when I think about it. But a sarcastic smile instead of an honest one. They promised I won’t be able to get rid of them and every person I knew hurried to buy me a little gift for my unborn child. I believed everyone and I was so excited and felt blessed to have around me such incredible friends.
Not having my family around and living in a foreign country made me fight stronger for the things that I want but also made me a bit vulnerable having to deal with everything on my own. We had to organize everything, time everything, buy every little thing needed for our child and also deal with it all without family help. Hearing all those people near me offering their help made me think that everything would be a walk in the park.
When my daughter finally made an appearance in this world, I had few people texting to congratulate and ask when they can come around. I was fortunate enough to have an easy birth (thirteen hours of labour but uncomplicated) so I was allowed to come back home the next day after delivery. I can name you all my friends who came to visit and tell you exactly when. The exact ones who promised to be there from day one were the ones who tried to find a million reasons to postpone their visit. I had nine months of maternity leave surrounded by my daughter and having an occasional coffee with a mom I met at mummy and baby yoga class. The thing is that I felt like nobody could understand me. Some of my friends thought of me as being just as available as before becoming a mother and they could not understand what being responsible for a life actually means. Others just couldn’t bother with me anymore and stopped calling.
I had one dear friend who loved my daughter so much and had always been there for me without judging or asking too much. She was there when I needed and she never once asked for anything in return. She still is and I feel like if this life will ever separate us by a million miles we will still just be there for each other without asking questions.
And one day in my lonely mum time, I decided to take my LO to our local soft play and that is where I met that mom friend who’s life was so similar to mine and to whom I connected straight away. I looked at her and the way she smiled and I kind of knew she will be a part of my life from there on. Our daughters are best friends and we are just the same.
So, you see, friends come and go without arguing or ending friendships. You meet the right ones at the right time and if life just decides to separate you, well …. there is nothing you can do. We all have priorities. We all see our own lives the way they are and we open our hearts for the ones who are there for us. Although I might miss some of those friends from before I had my little one, they are memories and I will think of them fondly but I got my own mummy tribe now and those women who are my friends are the ones who understand me and see me for who I am. They know I don’t always have time for anything, they know how it is to be so so tired from just being a mother; they know when I have a bad day and let me be; they are there for me to wipe my tears and also to share my happiness and for this I am more than grateful because even though I lost so many friends, I gained more precious ones in return.