It’s not quite early in the morning having my first coffee. In my defense, I woke up at 6 am, had a quick coffee and went out for a run. As I got back home, I had a very short stretch. After my stretch, I took a shower. Then, we went to Costco and the supermarket.

My plan was to catch up on my reading enjoying this gorgeous sun. Instead, I had to help my daughter with her math homework. We had lunch, and now I am writing. I am waiting for her to finish eating so we can carry on with the homework. I made a second coffee and thought what better time than now?

I feel quite tired and I am not sure when will I get to just lie down and breathe. I desperately need it. Once my daughter finishes her food, we need to get back to homework. I would have gladly left it for tomorrow but we can’t. The morning is reserved for Junior Parkrun! We are celebrating three years. We bought treats for all children and volunteers. Once back home, we’ll probably change and grab a quick lunch followed by a visit to my friend’s house. It will be so nice to see her. We can catch up before my very first full week in the office in the past ten years.

I just blinked and realised I will be 46 years old this year! In just two months. Have I have it all figured out? NO! Do I feel mature enough? NO! All I can say is that I am 100% perimenopausal. I don’t like drinking as much. My body is constantly changing. Every single night, I wake up at the same time. I can’t fall back asleep. My brain goes into overdrive and I twist and turn, imagining the most unlikely scenarios. Oh, the restless leg syndrome is something else. I need to wiggle my toes. I rub my feet against the sheets. Then, I rock my legs left and right as if there is no tomorrow. Magnesium night cream helps me not do this exercise more than once a night. I also take magnesium glycenate to relax my muscles before bed.

My usual workouts don’t work as well as they did. I am trying to manage my 2 runs per week. I also do strength training and mobility exercises. Additionally, I have to make sure my body recovers in between. Once I start my new job, I will have to adjust it all. Make it work in a different form. I have started doing Pilates which did help with my joints and muscles, as well as relaxing my mind.

Being 46 is not easy at all. Living with brain fog is a struggle. I can’t remember basic words. I walk into a room and wonder what on Earth am I doing there. I start hoovering and end up folding clothes in the bedroom. Then I remember I need to put another load on. Before I know it, coffee is brewing because I don’t remember where I started from. My phone is buzzing with reminders.

Don’t get me started on the uncontrollable sweats. I never thought that I could sweat so much. It is not fun. I speak to someone and mid conversation I feel my head wet and there is sweat dripping down my back. I get dizzy and try to look normal. I snap out of nothing or just don’t give a crap about anything and anyone. These hormonal changes are kicking me big time. My skin is dry although I moisturise daily. My hands look like I have been working in a factory: DRY!!!! My eyesight is deteriorating so fast as well. I now need two pairs of glasses. One for distance and one for reading. I refuse to pay so much money just to change the lenses on the glasses I already have. It costs me a minimum of £130 to have varifocal lenses.

I had to take a break and finish homework with my daughter. Back now. I am trying to decide what I want to do more. Should I have a nap? Maybe I should catch up on my reading. I could finish this blog post. Or perhaps I’ll just stare into nothingness with my feet up on the wall. Maybe take a paracetamol for my wannabe headache that might actually be the cause of dehydration. Decisions, decisions. Oh, I could also go and give my husband the death stare because he is too noisy. Don’t get me started on this one. He chews too loudly. Eats too quickly. Puts things in the wrong places. WHY???? Shall I tell him?

What would you do?

Oh, my neck hurts now. It got so stiff from this uncomfortable position I am. If I move, I lose my flow. So I will suffer until I had my say.

Perimenopause is a bitch! A nasty one! Very annoying creature messing with your entire self. You don’t know who you are anymore. You can’t recognise your outbursts and feel like a ticking bomb ready to explode. It’s a tough one. And when you are raising a preteen, watch out!!!! There is no rule! You just try and survive, hope for the best and don’t punch anyone in the face. It will all pass! In about ten years time! Just hold on and don’t fall off the ride! Make it worthwhile if you can! Reinvent yourself! Breathe with intention! Do as much self care as you can. Run until your lungs are burning. Burn some sage! Anything that works so you can survive it all.