It’s the end of an era. In a way, anyways.

I have signed a contract with a new company and am starting my new job next Wednesday. I will work for the same business as now but in a different area. It is a completely different job than anything I have done so far. Also, it is a full time job with four days in the office. So scary!!! i have not worked full time since 2016 when my daughter was born.

This is a huge step for me. To say I am terrified is an understatement. Everyone higher up trusts my abilities. They tell me I will be brilliant. This scares me even more. Fear of failure made me give up on so many opportunities in life. I feel like it is time for me to jump in. Head first. Just do it! – like in the advert.

This week, I have been shadowing a colleague for a few hours each day. I learned two new systems and formed a picture of what needs to be done. I don’t want people to hate me. Still, something needs to give here, and the mentality has to change. I will be mainly working with engineers. They like to be “cuddled” and appreciated. I am all for recognition but for accountability as well. Changes take time and are difficult.

My brain is spinning. I am an overthinker. I can’t stop. It’s what I do! I panic. I analyse and look at things from all angles. I picture worst case scenarios for even the smallest things.

Changing career at 46 is not what I thought I would be doing. I always thought I would have everything sorted out by this time. I would be settled into my routine and live the best life. Now, my routine will go out the window. I am not sure when I will fit my 2 runs/week and working out. I need time with my daughter and Friday park. Family outings and doing nothing moments are important. I also need to find time for reading. This can just be done while commuting, hopefully. I also need time for tidying up my house the way I like it. Finally, I need time with my friends. There are so many other things. I need to make it work. I need to find that balance. It’s not easy at all and I have no clue how I’ll manage.

All I can say is that I did make the right decision. My role was just not very safe. I moved departments quite often in the past three years. It wasn’t working anymore and I felt like the more I tried, the more I failed. There was no appreciation, no recognition. It was frustrating.

On Tuesday, 24th March I will have a drink and toast for new beginnings. 🥂

Wish me luck!