In just three months I will be 45 😩! Jesus! How? I feel like the past few years have gone so much quicker. They seem faster than when I was young. It is January and before we know it it’s Easter and summer rolls on into Halloween and Christmas catches up and we are back to January

This February has started with a new role and an extra work day. As a result, right now I am stressing about how to fit everything in seven days. I totally still need two days running. Since I am over 40, I also need strength training and lots of stretches (who can do those push ups?). This will prevent ankle, knee, hip, and back pains that would keep me away from every activity. I also need to make sure I am having enough time for my daughter and my family. I must also find the time to help out junior parkrun on Sundays. It is my baby as well and I can’t let go so easily.

Putting so much pressure on oneself can lead to burnout. Social media shows us a fake reality and we are falling for it.

I am stressing over not making mistakes in a job I just started a week ago. I know I am allowed to take time and adjust. I can familiarise myself with everything. Somehow, my mind is not allowing me. I feel the need to be good at what I do. It’s a silly need to prove myself, even though I don’t actually have to.

Oh, did I mention, I would also love to have some reading time? Books are so precious. I have loved reading since I was a child. Books are my escape and I would love to keep this habit alive for the rest of my days.

I think once turning forty, a woman goes through so many changes. It is basically impossible to juggle everything without having some rant moments. They feel like either screaming, biting someone’s head off, or smashing things just to blow off some steam. Hormones are all over the place due to perimenopause. Our bodies don’t move as fast. They absolutely don’t burn calories as fast either. Workouts that used to show results, prove to be useless right now and an intake of supplements is vital. Heck, I live in UK so vitamin D is a must as the sun doesn’t make an appearance that often. I also need supplements for my joints. I need magnesium and zinc. I need collagen and creatine. I need electrolytes. I must also mind my caffeine and alcohol intake. Coffee makes me jittery if I drink more than one. Alcohol started to give me such bad dreams and restlessness. If I forget any of the mentioned supplements, my knees will click. My hips will scream in pain. Last night I was watching Yellowstone (totally obsessed like everyone else). I am on the sofa and all of a sudden, I felt like I was 80. My bum joints/muscles, whatever we got around the sitting bone, started aching. I had to walk around for a minute to loosen up.

There is also the daily schedule that brings such a load. It’s a race against time. I wake up about half an hour before everyone in the house. This gives me quiet time to organize my day. My tasks include school drop off, running, work, laundry, tidying up, and school pick up. I might do some shopping or go back to work. I get the child ready for bed. Thank God I am not responsible for cooking in the house. And here it is. 8:30pm when I need to shower and eat. I get ready for the next day. Then I try and sit down and unwind a bit.

I have friends I would like to see as I love them. I have family I would like to call as I love, miss and need them.

Is this adulting? Man, this is hard.

I swear I can remember lyrics from most 80s songs and I can still remember all lines from Dirty dancing. What did I have for lunch yesterday? When is disco in school? – no clue. I set reminders and forget still. I would not be surprised to find my car keys in the fridge one day. (thank you for that Davina McCall – your chapter on perminesopause is absolutely brilliant and so funny).

Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful for every minute of my life and for everything I have. Mel Robbins – I am learning a lot from you. The Let Them theory is starting to work. It is slow progress and I am not even half way through the audio book but, boy … it is liberating.

Still, I do need a rant from time to time. It helps me to recharge and start a new week with a fresh mind. It does help. Writing it down. One day, I might write down my thoughts on a piece of paper. I will post the picture here because I still am a fan of handwriting.

If there is one thing I am learning from my 40s is this: BREATHE!

I am going to give you some advice and I will have to learn to listen to it as well.

• Don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself – this is counterproductive.
• Exercise – moving your body is empowering and definitely helps with those joints
• Wear whatever you want and makes you feel YOU!
• Take risks! 40s are the new 30s!
• It’s never too late to reinvent yourself
• Life is stupidly hard. It’s not getting any easier but we can definitely make it more enjoyable
• LET THEM! – listen, read! It’s our Bible