“Dolce far niente” is an Italian phrase and philosophy that appeals to so many of us. It actually translates in “the sweetness of doing nothing” . It can mean having a cup of coffee with a friend, heading to the beach to just watch the waves, or sitting idly on a park bench watching people go by.

Nowadays I feel like less and less are experiencing the beauty of “dolce far niente”. Coffee is always on the go, friends are always hard to meet and park benches are getting ignored – they are just there, lonely, waiting to listen to someone’s story. Simply looking at the horizon, taking in the power of the sea, watching waves break by the shore – why don’t I find this as relaxing as I did years ago? The first thing I used to do when going by the seaside was to grab a book, lie in the sun and fall asleep to the music of the waves and seagulls, feeling the sun burning my skin and not having a care in the world. Now? The beach is too noisy, and I am not able to switch off completely and find inner peace.

Everything is done in a rush and we are struggling to fit in a million things into one day.

I woke up this morning and instead of smiling and being grateful I am alive, I made coffee and started planning. I am working half day and need to take my daughter to her swimming class in the afternoon, also meet a friend and her daughter at the local pub for dinner. Because these are activities that were already in my calendar for today, I considered them as nothings – things that don’t tick a box so I thought to myself that if today I only achieve the three things it will actually mean that I haven’t done anything. And there I was, rushing to finish the coffee and make breakfast for my daughter, put laundry on, hoover, do dishes, fold laundry, deep clean the bathroom … and it’s just 10am. I still want to squeeze a workout in, we need to pop into the library and also to the shops to grab some bits and bobs.

I bet you that by the time evening comes I will be totally exhausted and wonder what have I done today. Why? Why the pressure? Are we living in this world filled with unrealistic expectations? Why do we feel the need to achieve the unachievable even though we know what the reality is? Why do we feel the need to compare ourselves with the influencers? The ones who hire nannies and cleaners, have a PA and a PT and a beautician and a make up artist a photographer following them around documenting their success in life? THEY HAVE AN ARMY behind them and we have what? Ourselves on a hamster wheel trying to keep up and juggle everything.

Where does “dolce far niente” fit? And does it?

I am trying to see friends, enjoy a coffee in the park watching the people go by. But do you know what happens after about 30 seconds? My mind is racing a million thoughts per hour. What do I have to do when I get back? Is my child having everything prepared for school? Do shoes still fit? I wonder if the winter coat is small now. Do I need a new winter coat? Have I done enough today? What’s planned for the next week? Am I ready? Do we have any birthdays coming up? We need presents. Who’s coming? When was the last time a dusted my book shelf? Shall I clean the windows when I get in? …. and the questions never end

So many times I have found myself reading the same page multiple times because I got ambushed by a racing mind and forgot what I was actually doing.

Have we forgotten how to enjoy “dolce far niente” ?

Will we ever be able to get back to who we were? Live simpler. Stop scrolling and comparing. Is there someone out there who is still unapologetically authentic? Someone out there who hasn’t forgotten the actual reality of things and who they really are?