Everyone who knows me or read at least one of my posts knows that I am purely and utterly in love with my daughter. I loved her from the moment I found out I was carrying her in my womb and when I first held her it was heaven. The best feeling and the best day of my life.

She was and still is just perfect. I couldn’t have asked for more.

First three months of motherhood were “the honeymoon period” like I call them. Then followed the sleepless nights, high temperature, colds and flu and bugs and teething and weaning and so on and on and on.

It got harder but also beautifuler.

I love being a mother with my heart and soul and she is the light of my life but God help me sometimes I really don’t quite like her.

The terrible twos went by and the evil threes are creeping in on me making me lose my mind sometimes.

I love it when she tells me that she loves me, I love it when she gives me cuddles cause they are just perfect and melt my heart, I love it when she wants me to play along and read together and hold her hand before bedtime.

Oh, and those moments when I can sip a coffee outside and she munches quietly on a donut curious about the world going by.

  They are every mother’s dream.

Watching her learn, play, develop and grow into an amazing girl makes me so proud and also makes those days when I doubted myself fade in the air.

Now that I told you just how much I love her, let me also tell you why I don’t always like her.

• Her excessive sense of property drives me insane – i hate it when she proclaims “mine” . Everything she touches has to be hers and this is something I didn’t see coming. Makes me feel like somehow I failed at parenting for not being maybe more consistent in explaining what mine and yours means and involves
• The whinging – did I mention FOR NO REASON? – that’s when my blood boils and tears roll down my face making me feel so useless and frustrated. I want to scream just like Ryan Gosling did in “The Notebook”

• Her bad moods – I say bad so I won’t say shitty. These are the moments when she’s just taking a proper piss of my life. Those moments that last for a day and all I am left with is WINE

Those ones go like this:

1. Me: Would you like pasta for lunch?

Ruby: (while crying) Noooo. I don’t want pasta. I want pasta

2. Ruby: I don’t want jeans and top

Me: What do you want to wear?

Ruby: (while crying) I want jeans and top

3. Me: Shall we go in the park baby?

Ruby: No. I don’t want to go park. I want park

4. Me: Have some water baby

Ruby: (screaming and crying) I don’t want water mummy. I want water

And this went on and on for a full day. Proper #FML moment here.

How can you not lose your mind in this situation? How can you not wish you could just scream and shout and drink and just jump out the window in despair? How can your anxiety levels not go over the roof?

Another thing I don’t like about my daughter would be …..

• Her sassiness – she can boss you around like a champion and put you in a corner cause you are a naughty child and she is the adult. Pointing her finger at you while demanding “Stop. Right now” might sound fun but trust me I do not like it one bit.
• She loves Peppa Pig – where do you think she got the sassiness from? I tell you. From that annoying little pig who is rude and bossy and doesn’t know how to lose at childish games (who’s with me on this one?)

But you know something? After these moments pass she looks at me smiling and tells me that she loves me and asks me to play lego together and build a house and I like her again.

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Sometimes it’s maybe be, demanding way too much from a toddler who’s just learning life as it as and sometimes it’s just her and I have to be patient and repeat the same thing a million times, ignore the sassiness and embrace the “What do you want” moments because motherhood is not always about fluffy clouds, smiles and giggles.