Letter to my old self

Dear old me,

I know we haven’t seen each other much in the past about two years and a bit but I want you to know that it’s not your fault. It’s me. You see, my life has completely changed from the moment I found out I am going to be a mum. Do you remember how excited you were when you noticed those two lines on that stick? OMG. It seems like it all happened in a different life.
Our days and nights out almost disappeared since. The wine, the coffees, lack of diet, they were all replaced by cereals for breakfast, peppermint tea and 3am ice lollies while bouncing up and down on the gym ball. Those ridiculous high heels were quickly replaced by converse, flats and UGGs and those short dresses and even shorter shorts transformed into maternity leggings and baggy tops.

I can remember the “I want …” in our life; not “I need…” but want

Silly dresses that got worn once or none at all; crazy shoes that went to charity straight from the box (I went up one size because of my pregnancy and I can’t wear most old shoes); insanely expensive make up that sometimes I realised I don’t quite like and numerous overpriced bed sheets I bought just because. So many years spent on throwing a fortune down the toilet in a spare of a moment.

I do miss you sometimes my old me. The temptation of “I want…” still lingers on and decides on whispering in my ear lovely thoughts from time to time. But see, now I have to think before I act. I have to ask myself: Do I really need this? Needless to say that most of the times the answer is a massive NO and I have to turn my back on those attractive shops, look straight and keep going. For a second there I am upset but I immediately smile and feel proud of myself. I grew up and I know for sure that shinny things don’t bring happiness but clutter and we both know how much I hate that.

I miss you but in a way you miss and old friend who decided on moving on the other side of the world

My dear old me, I want you to know that I am happy with the way I turned out. I miss you but in a way I miss a dear old friend who decided to move on the other side of the world. And I know we will meet one day and we will get close like we used to be and we will become almost inseparable. I know that because I feel that lately we started to find common ground once again.
You have to know that things can’t be exactly like they used to. You know I had some hard times with sleepless nights, anxiety, nerves stretched to the max and frustrations building up and making me forget who I really am.

It took me a long time to remember that I am a person before being a mother.

It was hard but trust me, it’s so worth it.
My dear old me, don’t be sad. You helped me become who I am now and I have to say I think you didn’t do that bad. I still have to work on some aspects but overall you turned me into this patient mum who never gets bored of singing, dancing and fooling around just to make her child smile; you made me kind and you showed me good and bad in people; you gave me this insane desire of helping others, giving them hope and making them see the half full glass but what you didn’t give me is the determination to grow my ideas into something big. I am upset with you for this but I guess I need to make an effort as well and build that trust in myself and my own powers.
My dear old me, I know you never worried about diets and exercising but I have to tell you that I do now. I am not a size eight anymore and my metabolism has changed a bit. My feet are no longer a thin size six but a very chubby one and all that standing up for eight hours a day while heavily pregnant made me forget what lovely high heels are. Not to mention that the bloody stroller has a short handle so the tall me trying to walk in heels while pushing a stroller is a definite no go. I would look like a hobbledehoy. Just imagine that and you won’t stop laughing.
Last but not least, my dear old me, I need to assure you that I now learned my priorities, I am not wasting my time with negative people anymore and most definitely I got no patience to listen to silly drama and gossip. I learned how to select the friends I need in my life and saying no is not as hard as it used to be.
I am now a mummy with a twenty-four job and I can tell you that I am doing what you always wanted. I am raising my little munchkin without any help and involvement from anyone else. Mum and dad are not here to babysit so Ruby never spent a full day or a night without me. She is such a happy monkey and eager to learn. I love it. I wouldn’t have it any other way.