Today I went out properly. For the first time in the past I have no idea how many months. Definitely since before I had Ruby. As a matter of fact the last time I remember I went out was when I didn’t didn’t even know I was pregnant. And that day I had so much wine and I was so saying I don’t particularly like kids anymore.
Long time since. Or not? Seems like yesterday but in the same time so much time passed. My friend was in Dubai with work. She left just before I had the baby and recently came back to London. She decided on taking me out on a girls early night out on a Sunday. I am saying it on a Sunday so you would realise we met around 6 pm on a day when not everyone goes out for drinks.

I mean they all get over the weekend hangover and ready for the new week of work ahead whereas we were full on in Central London. I seen Piccadilly Circus after about a year and it seemed like yesterday. Nothing changed and in the same time it all had such a different vibe. Or was it me just me buzzing? Not sure which one was it.

I left the house with a bit of anxiety as munchkin was grumpy. I checked her temperature few times and convinced myself there is nothing wrong with her but me.

My stomach started feeling funny like I was coming down with a bug. I told Kris who only said: take some Rennie and go. stop looking for reasons not to leave the house. Just go and have fun. I left only with my handbag and I shoved my hands in the pockets of my coat like a stupid person only because I had nothing to push. There was only me without the pushchair and baby, like my old self when I was going out. I smiled and thought: “what can go wrong? It’s just me being paranoid”. In the train I read all the way to Oxford Circus so I can keep myself company. When I got off the train I couldn’t wait to check my phone and make sure my baby is fine. As soon as I got reception my phone buzzed full of watsapp messages from a very frustrated parent. That was Kris telling me I mummy the child way too much and he is paying the price now.  Ruby was crying her heart out since the moment I left the house and she couldn’t be settled. There it goes my mood out the window. I decided to see my friend and tell her I have to go back home. I was already prepared to call a minicab and “f” the money we need so much. I need to settle her and she needs to sleep but in the same time I was getting messages that were screaming: “don’t you dare coming home. Leave us alone”. What do I do?

My mummy instinct is kicking in and when this happens you all better watch out cause shit is about to go down.

My friend just told me to calm down and relax. Baby will be fine and I just need a bit of wine to relax. So after few minutes that seemed like forever finally munchkin is asleep and here I go on my way to fun land were you don’t need a particular reason to drink wine. You just do. As I was going out with a hangover friend who looked like she had no sip of alcohol ever (fresh like a daisy and in a dancing mood) I was thinking how fresh did I look wearing my comfy UGGs and an over sized top. I did fit in my old white trousers so this made me feel better but my messy bun was constantly reminding me I need to wash my hair. Never mind. Wine kicked in and made me forget all about it. We were catching up and in the same time it was all so natural like we only seen each other few days back and not over seven months ago. The food was crap. Proper. The wine not particularly good but the company amazing so we laughed it off and moved on to another place hoping for the best. But when something is bad expect something worse in a minute. Karma. And so we got to a place where the bartender had a birds nest instead of hair and a very unusual habit of talking to himself. My friend still hungry and I still with desert in my mind, we studied the menu for about five to ten minutes and we decided on what to have.  Another ten minutes later after the guy was swearing behind the bar for God knows what reason, the order was taken and we were laughing thinking where the hell did we land. And we found out when the order came. Have it with wine and all will be fine. My friend got only vinegar for her salad as there was no oil left. But we did taste for the first time something we found out was called Roquito pepper drops. Weird little red things.
Two large glasses of wine later I was sharing my mummy experience as raw as I could and she was telling me about her nights out in Dubai and all the hangovers and parties she had every twenty four hours.

It was like two parallel worlds found common ground for the first time in history

and I realised that no matter what life reserves for you, the real friends are still going to be there and still love you and want to get you drunk like before. You only need to know who they are. And have a wonderful person waiting for you at home to give you a cuddle and tell you how much he loves you. That is when you know you are far from having everything you want but you are so damn grateful for all you achieved so far.

PS: without going out I wouldn’t have seen this jacket that made me think: WTF?! Such shit confusing times to raise a baby.